Values are one of those things talked about a lot by various people, particularly coaches. We talk a lot about values, what are your values? how do you find your values? And you may not really know why. Why is that important? Why do you need to know your values? I never really thought about it. I mean, we all think that we have values, but how often do we sit down and intentionally think about what our values are at that particular moment in time?
In today's episode, I answer those questions about values, and I share:
- the first coaching question that blew my mind;
- my most important values right now; and
- why knowing your values makes decision making easy.
And stick around to the end, where I share how you can get hold of an exercise to help you figure out your values.
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Hello, welcome to episode 10 of The Triple C Project. And it's out! The book is out, The Triple C Method: gain clarity boost confidence and build courage so you can live life lit! The book that inspired this podcast. The book I've been talking about since the inception of this podcast. And the book that I wish I had had all those years ago when I was stuck in BigLaw and couldn't find a way out. It's here it's available. And I'm super excited. I think I probably said I'm super excited a few times over the last few weeks, but I am. So there you go. It's available now from all good bookstores as they used to say in the TV adverts when I was a kid. Amazon, Book Depository, Waterstones, Barnes and Noble, anywhere you get your books, you can go ahead and grab yourself a copy, either in paperback or as an e book. And if you have a local independent bookstore, go ahead and order it in there. It's always good to support local, wherever you can. I find Amazon's easy, it just comes straight to your door. But nothing like walking into a bookstore and just getting that book smell and actually handling, physically handling the books as well. So yeah, go ahead and support them if you can. And yeah, I'm really, really pleased with the initial feedback, if you head to my Instagram @iam_ryanspence, I've shared some of the initial reviews there. And I know that there are more coming. So I'm really, really pleased for all the support. So thank you, to everyone that has picked up a copy so far. And everyone that shared it. If you get a copy, particularly if you get the physical copy, do me a favour, take a photo of you with it, and tag me on Instagram or on LinkedIn. And so I can give you a shout out. And thank you personally for picking up that copy. And as always, let me know what you think of the book, let me know what insights you take away. Let's keep this debate going about living life lit! about sort of making your own choices and not feeling you have to do what you think you should do. Okay, so let's get to today's episode. And today I'm going to talk about values. Values. is one of those things you've probably heard talked about a lot by various people, particularly coaches, we talk a lot about values, and what are your values, finding your values? And you may not really know why. Why is that important? Why do you need to know your values? I never really thought about it. I mean, we all think that we have values, but how often do we sort of sit down and intentionally think about what our values are at that particular moment in time. So I'm going to talk a bit about that, I'm going to let you know what my current values are. And stick around to the end, I'm going to share with you how you can get hold of an exercise to help you figure out your values. So you can start making intentional decisions that are in alignment with the right values is talked about often in the respect of coaching. So let's start there. coaching. Coaching is about asking powerful questions. The right question asked at the right time, it can lead to a total transformation of how you see things of your thoughts. If you've worked with a coach before, you've probably been in that situation where you're set, just having a conversation. And suddenly your coach will just ask you a question seemingly out of nowhere, but I mean, they know what they're doing. And that question will stop you in your tracks for a moment. And there'll be this pause, and the coach will hold space. They won't interrupt the silence. And then we'll wait for you to let that thought just percolate in your mind. And that one question can have you thinking about it for hours, days, weeks thereafter? Because it can really shift the way that you see things and think about things. So for me, I remember a question that I was asked quite early on in with my first coach. And we were stats and she had asked me about what I wanted to do because I said I wanted to get out of law but I didn't know how. And she gave me this open question about what what I do and I shared all of these different aspects of law going in house going into a different firm, that sort of thing. Not really being expansive in my thoughts. And she said this to me, and she said, we all have values. Do you know what yours are? Can you name your top five values right here, right now? I gotta say, that floored me. The question floored me with its power. And it sounds simple, right? I mean, why would a question like that for you? And the thing is, the reason it floored me is that it wasn't that I didn't have an answer. Although I didn't. It was more the fact that that one question set off this chain reaction in my mind. And as I was sat there, in silence, trying to work through how I was going to answer this question, it led me to a realisation. And the realisation was that, actually, I was thinking about this all wrong. And I was doing the wrong thing. I was focusing on the wrong thing. And I had been doing that for for quite some time. Because the thing is, we can try to sort out our situation, and look at all the different options that we believe are available to us. Sometimes, that's not the answer. The answer is to stop focusing on that and look at something completely different. Stop focusing on the wrong thing. And once I went through that process, and came to that realisation, that one question, that powerful question about values, it moved me and changed the language that I then started to use. Up until that point, I'd been thinking to myself, I'd like to leave big law, it will be a nice to have, it's something that I would desire. But going through that process of working that through my brain, I got to this point, where I was now saying, I have to leave BigLaw to be true to who I am. It's not now an option. I am not the person who joined BigLaw all those years ago, for many reasons, I changed, my priorities have changed my ideas of change the things that I want in life for change. But I'd never really taken the time to sit down and do that self reflection before. And the other thing that then happened, as an offshoot Is that is that I realised I lost myself. And I'd been I'd lost myself many years ago. And it sounds dramatic. But by that what I mean is that there were things I used to do things I used to find exciting things that were important to me that I had kind of let just fall by the wayside. In pursuit of this rare in pursuit of climbing this ladder that I thought that I should try. Things like creativity, things like really getting into exercise, which in a consistent basis, you know, me periodically, I would do that. But it was always subject to work, knowing work came first. And that allowed that to happen, because I thought that that's what I should be doing. I should be doing that in order to progress in the career that I was in. But I'd never actually stopped to question whether I wanted to progress in the career that I was in whether I wanted to climb this ladder that was in front of me. And allowed myself to be pulled towards focusing on things that actually, in the grand scheme of life weren't that important to me. I was allowing the agenda of other people in the environment that I was in to determine my path and the decisions that I made. I wasn't okay with that. All of that came from asking that one question about values. And this is why the me value question is so important. It's why values is one of the first points in finding clarity it's where, it's a starting point. Because knowing who you are, which gets to knowing your values. It's Well it starts with knowing your values. In fact, knowing who you are starts with knowing your values. It starts with knowing the values that are important to you at any given moment. And the thing that is once you know what your values are, it starts to make decision making easier. Instead of spinning out about, should I do this? Should I do that? Is this the way to go? Is that the way to go? You take a step back, and you think, right, I've got this decision to me, is the decision that I'm about to make in alignment with my values? That's the question. And either is, or is not, is not? And then decide not to do it. Sounds so, so simple. But we never do that. I never did that. I never had those conversations, I just didn't have the tools and the strategies to think about having those conversations with myself. But once I did, it became a lot easier. It doesn't mean that you don't kind of have this back and forth, because you can have something which you feel isn't alignment. But then that sets up a whole chain of other questions. Do I have the time? Is it the right time to do this? Should I focus on this thing or something else, because you can have those competing interests, both of which are in alignment with your values, but you just can't physically or mentally or energetically do them both at the same time? That's a different conversation. But the questions about, for example, should I take this job, should I go for that promotion, should I take on this deal, they become a lot easier to make once you know what your values are. Because if they're not everything else becomes irrelevant. So values, knowing your values, finding out your values, periodically checking in with your values. It just makes life easier, it makes decision making easier. And it sets you on the path to living a life that's less because living a life that's lit! is all about living in alignment with your values. It's about doing the things that excite you the things that light you up the things that fulfil you, things that make you happy things that bring you joy. And all of those things only happen if they're in alignment with your values. The other thing about values is in terms of decision making is that it means that you always choose to do the right thing for you, regardless of what anyone else around you is doing or saying. It's having that moral strength to stick to what you believe. And you can only do that if you know what your values are. So, for example, one of my values is integrity. So when something comes up, it's easy for me to run that decision through the lens of integrity. If I do this, am I maintaining my integrity, because to me, that's very important value to hold. And once you lose that, it's very, very difficult, if not impossible to get that back. And I've run that conversation through my mind whole number of times, particularly since I've been in the world that I'm in now. Because there were so many people promising you can do all of these different things, you can get all of these followers, you can make all of this money, you can have all of this visibility or impact. But if what they're proposing is not, to me in line with my own integrity, it's easy to say no. Anyone who is a coach, you're in the online space or provides any sort of service or product online, you probably know you get so many DMs random solicitation DMs, when people offering you the world and for me it's very easy to not waste time on them. As soon as I see it I can delete it because I know that it's not in integrity with with the way that I want to work. And that's no shade on anybody else. Because everybody has to make their own decision because again, it comes back to what are your values now? Not, what are mine? What are yours? And if what you're choosing to do is in line with your values, then that's you doesn't matter what I do doesn't matter what anyone else does. Although I always use the caveat as long as you're not hurting anybody else. So, values I hope that's giving you a good sort of rundown as to why I feel values are important and why knowing them is going to make your life easier, and also direct you towards living a life that's lit! And I said I'll share with you my values and the thing about values is that they can change over time. It doesn't mean that values that you have aren't important, it just means that the importance can shift depending upon where you are in your life at any given moment. And for me, my five values at the moment are generosity, integrity, joy, creativity, and connection. And there are a whole host of other things which are important to me as well. But in terms of ranking them, they're currently my top five, and they can change, they can change daily, I mean, impact is something which I which I value, which isn't in there today, it could be tomorrow, it's actually my word of the year. But again, depending on where you're going, and what's what you're doing at any given moment, that can shift. So I'd like to leave you leave this episode to let you know that finding out your values, and periodically checking in that those values are still important to you, in different situations, is really going to help to simplify things for you to simplify the decisions that you have to make, particularly some of the bigger decisions that come your way. If working in a environment where you can't make your own decisions, if that that doesn't feel right to you. Maybe one of your key values is autonomy, which is actually one of mine and didn't make the list today. Because I feel that I have a level of autonomy at the moment. But autonomy is one of your values, then choosing to do a job, that doesn't give you that it becomes an easy decision to say actually, I won't apply for that job, or I won't accept that job. If you're already in a job that doesn't give you autonomy, it allows you to start to make the decision to look for a job that that's so values does interplay with values in all aspects of your life. You just need to find out what they are, and then start to live in alignment with them. So how do you find your values? Well, there's a whole host of various exercises on online, you can obviously go ahead and Google but I like to make things a little bit easier for you. And so there's a values exercise included in my mini course, Triple C 101. Triple C 101, it was a course created in conjunction with the book really Triple C Method. And it's short, it's sharp, and it's to the point. And each of the modules gives you one key exercise and takeaway to help you gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage. And the first module on clarity ends with an exercise on values there, I give a quick explanation. And there's a worksheet you can download to start doing the work to figure out what your values are. And for a limited time, that course is free, if you purchase a copy of the book, The Triple C Method. So to find out all the details and how to get the book and get access to that mini course, had to iamryanspence.com/triplec and all the information is there. As I said, it's available as a bonus for a limited period if you purchase the book as a thank you for purchasing the book. And also because I feel that the course is a perfect introduction to the topics and the discussions that I have in the book as well. So Triple C 101 kind of touches the surface gets you right in there. And then the book takes you deeper and gives you more context to why each of those C's clarity, confidence and courage are important in helping you live life. Okay, that's it. We are at the end of another episode episode 10 which is it's a good milestone I should kind of reflect on that which in 10 episodes is a pretty good double figures. Onwards and upwards. I will see you back here again next week for episode 11. But until then, go ahead, find out your values and stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit!