Do you think you lack confidence? Do you say you're not a confident person? Do self-doubt and a lack of belief in your abilities hold you back from getting after what you want?
In this episode, I talk about:
Connect with me:
Are you ready to create your Lit! life? Book a consultation call, and let's talk about making that happen. It's your life; live it your way.
So what happened? What happened is that I started to let other people's thoughts and opinions get to me. People don't always understand the decisions that you make. They don't always understand the passions that you have. They don't have the vision for you that you have for yourself, they can't see it. Because they see life through their own lens, coloured by their own experiences, infiltrated by their own fears. So when they see you doing something that they don't understand, they're gonna have thoughts about it.Rafa:
You're listening to, The Triple C Project.Ryan Spence:
Welcome to The Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage, so you can live life lit! I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the BigLaw dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop, and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life, you should read and start living the life you want. This podcast will help you get from where you are, to where you really wanna be, so now we're friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living, a life that's lit!.Unknown:
Hello, welcome to episode 11 of The Triple C Project. And at the time of recording, it's just over a week since the release of my book The Triple C Method: gain clarity, boost confidence and build courage so you can live life lit!. And it's been great. It's been a really, really amazing time of seeing people receive their books, seeing what they say about the book. Thank you. So everyone that's written a review, that sent me a DM, it really means a lot.Ryan Spence:
At the time of writing, the book currently sits at number seven on one of the Amazon bestseller lists in its category having bounced around from a high of number two down to around about 20. And it's pretty, it's pretty much like a roller coaster ride watching the numbers go up and down. And look, the numbers don't mean anything in terms of my worth in terms of the value and the worth of the book. But it's so exciting to follow them, right. The things that really mean so much are the reviews, and are the messages that I've had from people as they've received the book, as they've read it telling me they've been inspired by it telling me how much it's helped them, telling them it's me, it's the book that they need it. So thank you very much for that. And if you you're reading the book, and or you've read the book, please do leave a review, head to Amazon, in the country where you bought it and leave a review an honest review as to what you thought of the book. And if you're having issues with Amazon, as I know, some people are, go over to Goodreads and drop your review there. It really, really helps to get the book out to more people. I wrote the book because it's the book that I needed that I wanted back when I was in big law and couldn't see a way out. And I know that there are other people in that situation. So the more people that know about the book, hopefully the more people the book can help. And you can help those people by running a review so that they find out about the book, and they know what it's about. And they know how it can be helpful to them. So go ahead, head to Amazon, or if you can't do Amazon, head to Goodreads and leave a review. And send me a message tag me, tag me in a screenshot of your review and screenshot of you holding the book just so that I can thank you for supporting the book and for being here with me on this journey and being part of the community. Okay, so what we're going to talk about today. So today I wanted to talk about confidence. And I want to talk about confidence because well, obviously, it's one of the three pillars of The Triple C Method. But it's also something which people say they don't have. People often talk about the fact that they lack confidence that they don't have the confidence to do the things that they want to do that they don't believe that they can get the things that they want. So I wanted to talk about that. But through a slightly different lens and in relation to something that I watched recently, which I think you might relate to. So if you've been following me for any time, you know that I'm a big hip hop fan and hip hop is, hip hop is life, you know, and I have been for a very long time. And yes, despite his his recent issues, or outbursts or just his general demeanour and behaviour that that some people don't care for, I'm a huge Kanye West fan. I mean, Kanye West has had some fantastic albums, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is probably one of the top albums ever, not just in hip hop, and he's produced some amazing records. And if you don't know there is currently a documentary on Netflix called Jeen-Yuhs, all about Kanye It's a three part documentary, I highly recommend you watch it episodes one and two in particular are fantastic. Three is a little bit, meh. But as a body of work, it's, it's a great thing to watch. So why am I talking about Kanye in relation to confidence? If you haven't guessed already? Watching this documentary really gave you an insight into why Kanye is Kanye. Why Kanye is the way that Kanye is why Kanye says some of the things that he says and why he believes some of the things that he believes. And it helps you to realise that it isn't the fact that the guy got rich and started to become this person. He was always that person. If you were to turn to confidence in a dictionary at some point in the future, it wouldn't surprise me if you saw a picture of Kanye West. Watching this documentary really brought home how much the guy believed in himself when he had nothing. When he was nothing. He talks about in the documentary, reciting his Grammy winning speech on the way to the bus stop. This is before he had had any records out. He didn't have a deal. No one knew who he was. But he was so confident that he was going to win a Grammy one day that he was getting himself ready for that occasion, he was envisioning himself on that stage giving that speech. He knew he was destined for greatness. He never questioned that. He never wavered in the belief of what he was capable of. And he got so angry when others couldn't see his genius. There's a clip in one of the episodes where he's getting really annoyed with a friend of his because his friend won't agree that he's a genius. And his friend, is saying, but you haven't done anything yet. And Kanye's response is, So what I am a genius and you will refer to me as such you will see me as such. And that confidence is something which anybody can build, you know, to have the self belief that you're going to be a big star one day that you have somebody following you around with a video camera. Again, when you don't even have a record out, you don't have a deal. There is no prospect from the outside that you're going to be a successful music artists. That takes some balls, you know, and even when he did start to have records out as a producer, records that were big records, where He really really wanted to be a rapper wanted to have his own deal as a rapper. And labels were turning him down, left, right and centre saying you're a producer, you're a great producer, but you're not a rapper. He kept going. He didn't settle. He didn't settle for less than he believed that he was capable of. He just didn't give a fuck what anybody else thought he knew what he wanted, and he was confident that he could achieve it. And it reminded me a little bit of myself when I was younger. I always wanted to be a pop star music was life for me. I wasn't interested in school. It was just a sort of something that I had to do. But I was going to be this worldwide star so grades didn't matter. Much to the discomfort and the horror of of my parents.Unknown:
And why watching the Kanye documentary Jeen-Yuhs reminded me of that is I similarly had that confidence in my ability. I would sit in class and instead of doing the work I would be drawing tour posters and plastering big letters across it saying sold out to represent my sold out world tours that would be occurring imminently.Ryan Spence:
You know, I would get on any stage that I could to perform to sing to dance. I was in school plays I was known as the performer in school, which was kind of at odds with my sort of offstage demeanour where I was quite introspective. You know, but get me on the stage and I could just go I was like a whole other person. I would tell anyone you listen that I was going to be a bigger star than Michael Jackson. No. I mean, Michael Jackson went eight Grammys, he sold millions upon millions of records. But that didn't even faze me, I could, I saw the vision of myself, I saw the vision of what my life was going to become. And nothing was going to knock me off that belief was real. And even later down the line, when I kind of pivoted slightly from the artists world and moved to work for a record company and was managing acts and was on the business side, my model was Puff Daddy, he was then Diddy, or Love, now I think he's called, I can't keep up. And I was confident that I was going to be a bigger mogul than Diddy was, that's what I was going to do, I was going to find these acts, I was going to break them into the, into the global market. And I was going to manage all of these amazing careers. Now, that didn't happen, obviously. I mean, I'm sitting here talking to you now. But I had such strong belief for a period of time, but nothing that anybody could say, could knock me off my stride. Nothing could stop me going after what it was that I wanted. And in doing that, it put me into situations and created opportunities that otherwise wouldn't have been there if I hadn't had the level of confidence that I had had. So what happened?, Well, what happened is that I started to let other people's thoughts and opinions get to me. People don't always understand the decisions that you make, they don't always understand the passions that you have.They don't have the vision for you that you have for yourself, they can't see it. Because they see life through their own lens, coloured by their own experiences, infiltrated by their own fears. So when they see you doing something that they don't understand, they're going to have thoughts about it. And those thoughts can sometimes be coming from really, really good place of wanting to see you do well, not wanting to see you get hurt, not wanting to see you fail. So when, after four years, nearly four years in the music business, I am still not making a lot of money. And obviously money is always the deciding factor in terms of success for a lot of people. Lots of people were kind of questioning well, you think it's time you went and got a proper job? Do you think it's time you started to go and make some money? Do you think you've given this music game, enough time now, it's time to kind of go off and get a real job. These weren't new things that have been said to me, they'd been said to me for years. But there was a point where I started to let those thoughts get into my brain. And I started to believe what people were saying, believe that the dream that I'd had for myself would never happen, the vision that I had would never happen. And most critically, I stopped exercising my confidence muscle. And confidence is like any skill, you've got to keep working at it, in order to build it, in order to boost it, in order to be able to tap into it. When you're trying to fulfil a dream when you're trying to execute a mission when you're trying to get after a big bold vision that you have for yourself. But because I stopped exercising that confidence muscle I saw or I felt that confidence, slowly, slowly dip. And I lost my belief in the vision that I had created for myself. I didn't lose all confidence. I mean, I did listen to everybody else and decided that maybe I do need to go and get a real job. So I went back and got my law degree. And I had confidence in my ability to do well in my degree. And that proved so in terms of the results that I got. I had confidence in my ability to get a great job in the in the eyes of what people were saying about me. And I did that I got into one of the top 10 firms in the world. But I lost confidence in my ability to trust my intuition to trust my gut. I lost confidence in my ability to think bigger than what other people were thinking for me. I mean, look. Working in a top 10 international law firm is a pretty big dream. Don't get me wrong, but it wasn't my dream. And that's the thing. I lost confidence in my dream. And what I wanted in how I saw my life playing out. And that is what led me to being a BigLaw lawyer for 11 years. And slowly over that period of time, that dream became more suppressed. And weirdly, my confidence became lower as well. So the whole point of this episode is to say, go ahead and watch the Kanye doc, because I think it is a masterclass in confidence. And it's a reminder that you have to keep working on your confidence. Confidence is something that everybody has. So if you've been saying to yourself that you don't have it, that you lack confidence that you're just not a confident person, I invite you to stop doing that right now. And instead, I invite you to say to yourself, I am confident, and I can build my confidence levels, I can build them higher. And I can start to believe that the vision of the life that I want is possible for me. And I will start to believe that I can figure out the process without having all of the answers. I really want you to be confident, I want you to build that confidence. Because when you have that confidence, you will start to believe that you can get after what it is that you want. You will start to believe that living a life that's lit is possible for you, you will stop staying stuck living a life of lethargy, stuck in a place that you don't want to be. That confidence will give you that feeling, it will allow you to sit up straight, roll those shoulders back, lift your head up high, and believe that you can achieve the dreams you have for yourself. So be as confident as you want to be be as confident as you can be. Be confident in your dream, not somebody else's dream. And if you need help with building your confidence, if you're not quite sure where to start, I've got you. I have a confidence journal. The confidence journal is something that I have been working on for some time. And it's six journal prompts, questions that I asked myself when it's time for me to level up to get after something that I haven't done before. And I need some belief. My I need to shut down that inner critic that negative voice inside of me that's telling me that I can't. And I need to get myself to a level of saying I can and I will have this journal is very straightforward. Six journal prompts. And whenever you're going to do something, and you're not sure that you can you sit down with that journal, and you answer those questions. And you get into your head and you clear out the negativity. And you get to the position where you can believe where you feel excited where you feel amped up to start to get after what it is that you want. How do you get it? Well, it's free. All you do is head to iamryanspence.com. And click the button saying Get Your FREE confidence journal. And it'll be there for you. And let me know how that works for you. Let me know how the prompts have made you think differently about your own confidence, how they made you feel differently about your confidence, and what you're going to do with the newfound confidence that you're building. I love to hear about your successes, I love to hear about what's working for you.That's the whole point of why I do what it is that I do. So head to iamryanspence.com, download my free confidence journal, which I have just updated this week, you'll be pleased to know. And that will also get you onto my email list where you will hear from me each week about all things Triple C and all things life, all things to help you move from living a life of lethargy to a life to a life that's lit! See ya next time.Unknown:
Thanks for tuning in to The Triple C Project. If you like the show, don;t keep it to yourself. Go ahead, tell a friend and tell me too, by leaving a review. To get more tips, tools, strategies to help you get from where you are, to where you really wanna be. Head to iamryanspence.com and download my free confidence journal. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram. I'm @iam_ryanspence and you'll be the first to know about the release of my upcoming book, The Triple c Method. But for now, the only thing that I have left to say is, stop living a life of lethargy, and start living life lit!