Build Your Squad!

When you set out to make a change.

When you do what you need to do to create the life you want.

When you're working to move from a life of lethargy to a life that's Lit!

You're changing a part of who you are to become either more of who you are or to become something that you want to be.

And that's great.

 But change is hard!

So, to keep moving forward

⚡️when every obstacle is telling you to stop
⚡️when your mind is telling you to fall back into old habits and
⚡️when all you wanna do is stay in your comfort zone, eat potato chips and binge Netflix,

you're going to need some support along the way. You're going to need a squad.

Why?

Listen in and I'll tell you 😉

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Transcript

Ryan Spence: 0:01

Your squad needs to be people who if you were to say to them, I'm going to the moon, they would turn around and say to you, okay, let's figure out how to build a rocket to get us there. They're the people that you want in your corner, because they're the people. We're going to give you that support.

Rafa: 0:22

You're listening to, T?he Triple C Project

Ryan Spence: 0:30

Welcome to The Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage, so you can live like lit! I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the biglaw dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop, and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you should want, and ready to start living the life you do want. This podcast will help you get from where you are, to where you really want to be. So now we're friends, I invite you to grab a drink. Take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit! Back again, welcome to episode 18 of The Triple C Project. I plan to try and keep this episode relatively short. Not What else do we have happening? My youngest kid has been ill. So because I don't have anything to say, because I always have stuff to say, I've got a whole list of topics to talk about in the podcast that just keeps getting longer. Because each week when I go to that list, I have something else which isn't on the list, which is the case this week. But the reason I'm gonna try to keep this short is it's been a pretty busy week busier than normal. And to fill you in on how busy it's been. I'm actually recording this episode at 10 past 11pm U.K. time on Thursday evening. And this podcast is usually released at midnight. So yeah, I'm recording a lot later than I would ordinarily do that. And the reason for that is a couple of things really. The beginning of the week, I was away recording the audiobook of The Triple C Method, which was great. It was a really great experience. And I'm glad that I went away and did that rather than trying to do it myself. And I may talk about that a bit more in a later episode. I was going to talk about that today. But I had an inspiration, a flash of inspiration about something else. So we'll park that one. he's been home, which has meant no quiet space and time to actually record. And also just client calls and various other things going on. And it's my birthday next week. So I've been looking at what I want to do for that. So yeah, lots of things going on. So hence why I'm sat down as late as I am recording this episode. But I didn't want to miss one. I didn't want to miss this episode of both for you guys. And also for me, because I like doing this, I like sharing what I share with you, because they're all things which have helped me to get from where I was to where I am, and ultimately put me on the path to where I want to be. And my whole my whole ethos, everything that I do is about creating that impact to allow you to do the same. So I put this out so that it helps you. And I really hope they do this. And if it does help you let me know, send me a message, write a review, whatever feels good to you. Yeah, just let me know what's learning with you. And let me know if there's anything you would really like me to talk about that you're really struggling with that you've seen issues that you're pondering? We could do that. That's what I'm here for. Today, I'm going to talk about the importance of building your squad. What do I mean by that? Well, anytime you're looking to change anything, changes heart. I mean, you're trying to undo the way that you've done things and do them in a completely different way. Whether it's creating new habits, whether it's starting a new job, whether it's starting a new relationship, whether it's starting a new workout routine, I mean, you're you're basically changing a part of who you are to become either more of who you are or to become something that you want to be. And that's great. But to do that, and last week, I talked about the art of courage stacking, and obviously that is important. But you can't do it alone, because it is hard and you are going to need some support along the way. And that support can come in the form of both paid support and unpaid support. It can come in the form of coaches, counsellors, therapists, mentors, it can come in the form of family, friends, acquaintances, it doesn't really matter. But to fully step into who you want to be into where you want to go, to make the changes that you want to make to create and live that life, that slip, you're going to need people around you who are going to support you. And that might sound relatively easy and straightforward. But here's the thing. There's the saying that goes, What got you here won't get you there. And that's all about how doing the same things that got you to the point you're at now won't necessarily get you to the point where you want to be because new skills and new things happen as you level up and as you grow. Makes sense, right. But I'm going to play with that a little bit. And also say that, who got you here may not get you there. Sounds quite harsh, let me say it again, who got you here may not get you there. And what I mean by that is that the people who were with you, up until this point, not all of them won't necessarily be with you, as you progress to where you want to be. Because not everyone is supportive of change. You'll have friends from university from high school from college, who were drinking buddies who sports buddies, who you used to do all of these things with. But as you change as you evolve, and as you grow, if they don't also change and grow and evolve as well, there's going to be a disconnect. And it isn't that they're bad people, it isn't that you're a better person, you're just different. And remaining in that space of doing the same things with those same people is going to keep you there. And that's fine if you want to stay there. But if you want to grow, you have two options, you can either take them with you, if they want to go with you, or you may have made the decision to leave them behind in some form, may not be completely cutting them off, it may just be reducing the amount of time you spend with them. This can be uncomfortable this is can be an uncomfortable subject. I know it can. But again, when I talk about these things, I sort of talked about them from experience. And so I'm not talking about something that I haven't done or been through myself. The other thing is that there are people who are used to seeing you in a particular way, doing particular things. And it can be very hard for them to see you as anything else. So they can't see the vision that you can see for yourself or the vision that you want to create for yourself. They can't see that for you because they knew you when you're somebody else. You know, it's like, I've gone through so many changes in my own life. I've never stayed the same person. But I'm no longer the guy who was knocking back Sambuca till the early hours of the morning and talking, walk asleep and doing mad things all night out. I mean, I haven't been that person for some time. Thank God because there's no way I could cope with those hangovers right now. But people who saw me as that person is that fun soul of the party kind of guy. After a few drinks, if they still wanted me to play that role, they'd be disappointed because I'm no longer that person, I will no longer play that role, I no longer want to play that role, because I have grown and evolved and now on a different path to go somewhere else. And there are people who we've all been through that stage together when kind of component or evolving together, people come to mind right now, I won't name them here. And we're all growing and moving together. And that's beautiful, because you have so much history that you can take with you. And you're supporting each other on that path. But unfortunately, there are some people who will not take that road with you. And it can be hard to come to terms with that. It can be hard to be okay with that. Because you're leaving behind a lot of history. But sometimes you have to make that difficult decision to fulfil that greater vision that you have for yourself. So, I say that there are three buckets of people, three types of people, there may be more but for now I'm gonna stick with these three. So there are some people who will be inspired by and who will support you in what you're trying to do and what you're trying to achieve. There are some who will, quite frankly, be indifferent. And I think there's I think for me, there's definitely been a fair few of those. And I've kind of had to sort of struggle and come to terms with that over the last few months to a year that there are people who are just indifferent, and for whatever reason. And then there are the people who just downright wanna hate on what you're doing. They want to shit on everything that you're that you're doing. They want to poke fun at it, they want to embarrass you, they want to tell you that you can't meet all of the things they really want to want to bring you down. So what you need to do is looking at the people around you, the people that you associate with is figure out who's who figure out what camp they fall into. And if you feel that there isn't an additional camp that you want to add to the list, then do that. I mean, it's your life, they're your people, but really start to get a sense as to where various people are in your life. And then once you've done that, you want to decide what to do about it. This isn't about cutting people off. What it is about. And what I said at the outset, it's about building your squad, it's about building that squad to support you on your mission of getting to where it is that you want to be. So that squad needs to be people who you can count on. There needs to be people that you can rely on. Your squad needs to be people who if you were to say to them, I'm going to the moon, they will turn around and say to you, okay, let's figure out how to build a rocket to get us there. They're the people that you want in your corner, because they're the people, we're going to give you that support, we're going to hold you up, when things get tough. And a lot don't get it twisted, it doesn't mean that they won't challenge you, you're not going to create a whole cadre of, of yes people by any stretch. But when these people in your squad is people that you choose to surround your self with to support you, when they challenge you. They're challenging you from a place of love. And they're challenging you from a desire to see you when they think that that's the key to your squad. The people in your squad should want to see you win, they should want to see you achieve what you've set out to achieve. And they should be in your corner cheering you on and supporting you all the way. And if there are people around you who aren't doing that, it doesn't mean that you don't keep those people around you. But what it means is that these people are not in your squad. And so there'll be different ways that you relate and you interact with these people. Maybe you don't tell them as much about your dreams about what it is that you're trying to do about the things that are coming up for you. And you just allow them to see these things sort of unfold into fruition. Because if we're telling people about our dreams about our goals, that already big for us, we're already kind of trying to get our own head around. And people first response is to knock us down. That's going to knock us off course. And that's not going to be helpful in our mission. So to go back to the rocket analogy, if you have people around you who will, if you say to them, I'm going to go to the moon. And they turned round to you and said, No, you can't. You can't fly. You can't build a rocket. You have no astronaut experience. You know, they tell you basically they're telling you all the reasons why you can't do it. Then they're probably not somebody you want in your squad. Because they're bringing that negativity, which is going to continue to bring you down. They're not looking for solutions. They're just looking at the problems. Your squad, your squad will be people that energise you, they're going to energise rather than drain you. There, they're going to lift you up, not bring you down. Your squad are the people who talk positively about you when you're not even in the room. They're the people where when you get a call from someone about an amazing opportunity, and you say of how did you hear about me, where did you get my number? They're gonna mention the person in your squad. Because again, your squad have a burning desire for you to win. And if you're in someone else's squad, you should want the same for them. I didn't really realise the importance of a squad in this in this context. till about six months or so ago. Actually, no, it was towards the end of 2020 I'm getting my ears fixed. It wasn't at all, it was towards the end of 2021. And I was started selling the business, I was coaching people. And I was still trying to figure a lot of other things out in the world of business. And I just felt that I didn't have anyone who I could have certain conversations were about entrepreneurship, about building a business about making an impact. And I was craving that. And then I found that I found that in a number of places, I found it in a mastermind with coaches, I found it in an entrepreneur, community, online of people all around the world. And instantly, I saw the benefit. Because I was in a room virtually, with people who were doing things that inspired me, and you had these big lofty goals and dreams, and were proactively getting after them. And sometimes would achieve some of those things, and would shout about it. And when they would shout about it, everybody else would support them and cheer them on, not shame them for talking about their success, or talking about the money that they made or talking about the number of people they spoke to or talking about the impact that they had made. And that's when I realised the value of having a squad. So build your squad. With you know where you are, as we are not where you want to be. Yes, there are things which you have to do yourself to get the ball rolling. But you cannot make that change, make that impact whatever it is you're trying to do alone, you are going to meet that support along the way. And that support will come in, in different forms. But I'm talking specifically here about the support of the actual dream of helping you to get there of lifting you when you hit that roadblock, and you just want to give up of telling you that it's possible, of challenging you of questioning you to help you make the right decision to make the right turn in the road. And doing that from a place of love and from a genuine desire to for you to win. So think about those people. And as I said at the outset, you can have unpaid people in that spot. You can have friends, mentors, people who have done what it is that you want to do, or people who are trying to follow walk the same path as you you have connection with, and you appears amongst each other. They can be mentors, and you can have paid people in that squad. That's where you talk about your coaches, your therapists, your counsellors, the people that help you deal with the inner work. And the people, particularly in terms of a coach who help who can see for you, what you can't necessarily see for yourself, and whose only objective in each of those sessions is to spur you along and to help you get to where it is that you want to be. To help you to win. So I'd like to leave you with that. Build your squad, don't feel you have to do it all alone, don't feel you have to work away and suffer in silence in solitary confinement. Get people around you who can support you on that path support you on that journey. Thank you, as always for being here for listen to the show. It really is great that you tune in every week you download it, you listen to it. And it just means a lot that that I can help to support you on your journey or the very least entertain you for the 20 minutes, half an hour that I'm there in your ears, whatever it is that you're doing. So I will see you next week. Until then stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit! My book, The Triple C Method, gain clarity, boost confidence and build courage so you can live life lit is available now on ebook paperback and you can get it from Amazon, Waterstones, Barnes and Noble, your favourite independent bookstore, go ahead give them a boost. The book is full of actionable tips to help you move from a life of lethargy towards living a life that's lit! and there's a free downloadable workbook so that you can start taking action right away and it doesn't become one of those books you read, you get inspired by it, and then you stick on the shelf and the to gather dust. The book is part memoir about my story from biglaw lawyer to the biglaw drop out and also partly roadmap and part manifesto sharing with you the message that you don't have to be who you've always been. You don't have to do what you've always done. So go ahead, pick up your copy of The Triple C Method, gain clarity, boost confidence and build courage so you can live life lit! right now.