Walk It Like You Talk It: Do what you say and always keep receipts

How do you react in times of stress and discomfort? Do you have tools and strategies that support you, or do you default to longstanding habits that don't serve you?

Recently  I was accused of something that wasn't true. And even though it was easy for me to prove it wasn’t true, the experience left me shook!

Fortunately, I had tried and true tools to get me through it, tools I've previously shared on the show.

In this episode, I share how I used those tools in real-time to help you understand the importance of having tools to call on and show you that I don't just say 💩 to say it; I walk it like I talk it.

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Transcript

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Ryan Spence: 0:00

I'm not going to go into the whole ins and outs of the message. But basically, I was accused of stealing the concept that I talked about. And it wasn't just a simple message saying, You're stealing my message, you're stealing my concept. You're stealing my framework that will follow up messages to that as well. So initially, although I thought the first message was a joke, when I continued to read the follow up message, and I realised that no this this was a genuine accusation, and it shook me.

Rafa: 0:32

You're listening to The Triple C Project.

Ryan Spence: 0:40

Welcome to The Triple C Project. The podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage so you can live life lit! I'm your host, Ryan Spence the BigLaw dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop, and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want, and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now we're friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit! Hello, welcome to episode 24 of The Triple C Project with me Ryan Spence, life coach, author, speaker and former BigLaw lawyer and I'm the author of the book The Triple C Method gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage, so you can live life lit! The book that helped me get from where I was to where I am now and will help me propel me to where I want to be. The book that helped me get from BigLaw lawyer to the bBigLaw dropout. And the book that I wrote to help you stop living a life of lethargy and start living a life that's lit. The book is available now as paperback ebook and also audiobook on Audible, Google Play, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Waterstones all the places you can get your books form. So if you don't have your copy yet, go ahead and pick it up today. And don't forget to download the free workbook. There's a link in the book to do that. And that will allow you to do the work so that the book doesn't just sit there as a nice pretty piece of inspiration, but actually gets you to take action to get you from where you are to where you want to be. Awesome. Now, this week's a little bit different. Normally a little bit more about what's going on in the last week. And then we dive into what the episode is about. I am going to tell you about something that happened last week. But it's not that happy to be honest with you. But I'm telling you it because I want to sort of share some of the lessons with you in this episode. But before I do that, I'm going to kick off by reading something that I shared on Instagram Stories last weekend. And because it's kind of like a statement, but it's something that I felt called to write and share. As I was waiting for my youngest kid to finish his karate class, it literally just came to me like a flash of inspiration. So when I read it, and then I start to explain the episode, you'll get a sense as to why before I do that, this week's episode is going to have more than your average number of F bombs. And it's my that much on the show. But I think this week that there will be a few. So if that you have a nervous disposition, you may just want to be aware of that. I advise to still listen because, as always, I am splitting some useful value on the show. But yeah, just just be aware. So if you're listening in the car, and you've got your kids around, alright. So on Instagram last week, I shared this which I'm going to read for you slightly paraphrase, but I'm going to read it for you just so that I kind of get exactly the essence of what I said. And it went like this. So the book, that's the book, The Triple C Method, this podcast, the content that I put out. Everything that I do, it comes from lived experience, from my lived experience. It comes from the ups and it comes from the downs. It comes from sitting in the discomfort and working through it to come out the other side. It comes from developing the self awareness to look back and assess what I was going through and how I came through it. It comes from seeing clients embark on their personal development quest, embrace the tools and strategies that helped me and apply them in their own unique way to create their own unique path. The book, this podcasts the content isn't my life's work, but it all covers a significant part of my life. Fucking damn proud of it. And I stand by all of it. And I'll keep sharing. I'll keep talking about all of it and the issues covered in it. Why? Because I give a fuck. I give a fuck about people not settling for a life that at best fine. And at worst, sucking their very soul. I give a fuck about people not living the life they think they should want. But living the life, they do what I give a fuck about positively affecting the lives of the people that find me and around me. So I'm Ryan Spence, my core values are integrity, generosity, autonomy, creativity, connection, and joy, and die. give a fuck about you. So I shared that last week. And as I say, it just came to me, I guess in a flash of inspiration. That's a lot of my work does. But I mean, this came through literally in seconds, and I posted it. And it came to me based upon something that happened to me last week, last Friday, actually. So if you listened to last week's episode, you'll know that I shared my three part framework for helping you get out of the shed and get back on track with living life, let's it was the three A's acknowledge, accept, adapt. And you can go back and listen to the episodes. And I thought it's really helpful, really useful. And if you've used it already, I'd really love to hear about it and hear how it helped you. But then what happened was that completely out of the blue, I received a message on Instagram on Friday. So the episode comes out on Friday morning. And later that day, I got a message. And it's about half an hour before I was due to get onto a call. And it was a message from someone that I'm connected with on Instagram. And I'm not going to go into the whole ins and outs of the message. But basically, I was accused of stealing the concept that I talked about. And it wasn't just a simple message saying you're stealing my message, you're stealing my concept, you're stealing my framework that will follow up messages to that as well. So initially, although I thought the first message was a joke, when I continued to read the follow up message, and I realised that now this, this was a genuine accusation. And it shook me. And the reason it shook me is, because going back to the statement that I just read at the beginning of the show that I shared on Instagram, one of my core values is integrity. And on the show, I talk a lot about the importance of values of your values, being almost your GPS, they are guiding you to make decisions that are going to take you to where it is you want to go. They provide the foundation for the person you are. So when somebody questions, your core values it, it can really disorientate you. And that's why it shook me because it goes to the essence of who you really are. And it shocked me, because I just didn't know where this was coming from. Because there's a value of integrity as somebody who stands and shows up in integrity, and is somebody who has been creative. In the past, I worked in the music business, I'd been around many creators. And as someone who is well aware of the number of creators and musicians of writers that have been ripped off throughout history, I'm a strong advocate of creators getting credit for the work that they do getting paid for the work that they do and not being ripped off. And I remember, I'm probably going to show my age here, going back to when music started to become available as mp3 rather than as physical products in the old days of Napster. And I was a strong vocal advocate amongst my friends of still going out and buying physical music or buying CDs or buying vinyl until there was a proper system in place to compensate artists for the music that they were recording. And now we have Spotify, we have Apple Music, we have other platforms like that. And yes, look, there are still issues around whether they fairly compensate artists for the work that they do. But the best we have at the moment, and they're better than what was in place way back then. Because at least now I do get credited and they do get paid something, whereas before they got nothing. Anyway, that's a little bit of a diversion. So to bring it back on track, I just want to show that's where I'm coming from, that's kind of who I am. And where I sit always is very much on the side of the creators, whether it's an author, a painter, a writer, whatever it is. So I'm very much on the side of people being recognised and credited and compensated for their thoughts for the creations that they make. So to have that as a core tenant of who I am, of my very big and to have that questioned did shake me. And I have no, no shame in admitting that it shouldn't be more than I probably could have expected. Now, fortunately, as I always say to people always keep receipts. And I'd spoken about the AAA concept way back before I was connected to this person way back in 2020, I think it was November 2020. And it was very easy to see that by going back through my Instagram timeline, to the exact date. And I pointed this out, and the person apologise. But the whole thing still, you still shook me, because if I hadn't come up with a concept back then or if I had been, I hadn't posted it on my Instagram timeline, if I hadn't put it out in public, I would have had no way to prove that I didn't steal it. And then it was my idea. Everything is like you can't copyright ideas, and lots of people are going to have the same idea as you. I mean, I've seen people who I have no interaction where they've had no interaction with me. And they clarity, confidence, courage is something that they have said on their posts. But it's in a completely different way to how I would say it. Because we all interpret what we hear what we see what we influence, based upon our own experience. And so you can tell when somebody is blatantly copying something, because they don't have any background behind it, there's no foundation to what they're saying, They're literally lifting something and passing it off as their own. Why I wanted to share this with you, is to stress the importance of being clear as to who you are. Because when you're clear of who you are, okay, if what your core values are, then you're clear of what you will do and what you won't do based upon those values. It becomes easy to make decisions, like don't steal other people's shit. You know, it's not, it's not even a question for me to do that. And, you know, I've actively unfollowed people because I didn't want to be influenced too much by what they were saying. When I was writing my book, I proactively didn't read other personal development books that were in any way related, because I didn't want to even show even show some similarities in what I was saying, I just wanted to write from my own thoughts from my own experiences from my own ideas. So I don't want to belabour the point. But I think the key point here is clear. It's that when you're clear on your values, your values will guide you. And when your values guide you, the decisions that you make will be in alignment with those values. So in my instance, in this case, anything that I do any content that I put out, any conversation that I have with with any of you that are rooted in integrity, because integrity is a core value of mine. Okay? So values, play on your values. That's the first point. So so what you what happens? I've told you how it shook me. So what did I do next. And this is where it's important to have tools, strategies, habits to fall back on to deal with in these situations. What I actually did was apply the framework that I actually talked about in last week's episode, the framework that I was accused of stealing, I had to go through the three A's, I had to go through the steps of acknowledge of accept of a debt. And so initially, when when it's sort of when penny dropped, it dawned on me to perhaps you acknowledge what I was actually being accused of. And I had to sit in that discomfort and the discomfort encompass feelings of frustration, of anger, of disappointment, sadness, that somebody would do that. And I had to sit and recognise each of those emotions and just really feel all of those feelings. I had to take time, I had to let that take the time that it needed to take to do that, to not skate over them, but to really acknowledge and feel what I was feeling. I was supposed to be on the court about half an hour, as I say, after I received that message. So it was kind of difficult. So I had to go through that call. Trying to focus on the call, but still having going through the process of acknowledging these feelings, unfortunately, wasn't a client call. But yeah, that's what I had to do. I had to acknowledge and then once had acknowledged and sat in that discomfort, I then had to accept what had happened, that it was something that was completely outside of my control. You can't control somebody accusing you doing something because that's somebody else projecting their thoughts what they think has happened onto you. So all that you can do is control how you react to it, that you know how you deal with that accusation. So I had to get to that position of just accepting But there was nothing that I could really do about this, the Genie was already out of the bottle. I mean, the apology didn't really matter, this had already happened. And I had to accept that it had happened. I had to acknowledge it, then now I had to accept it. And then I had to get to the next stage, it's just to adapt. And on last week's show, when I talked about adapting, I talked about using adapting to kind of get over or around or through an obstacle. And this is slightly different, because there wasn't really an obstacle. All I had to do really was just to adapt and sort of in a way that I can continue to move forward and do the work that I feel called to do. And it's something which I'm still kind of working on a little bit, but because like there's, there's no way that you can really avoid these things happening. You can't avoid these external situations occurring. And a lot of the times we don't have that control over what are the people do what they say what they think. And so you have to consider in the moment, how to adapt to it. But I think that one of the ways that I have adapted and it's kind of weird, when it's not really what I thought would happen is that having this happen is it reinforced within me why I do the work that I do. And it's almost made me bolder, I think, I think it was interesting for me because rather than retreating, rather than making myself small, which would have been the comfortable thing to do, rather than just not showing up. Actually, I'm actually in a place where I actually want to make a bigger splash, I want to make myself big, I really want to make myself heard more so than before. And I think that's where the statement that I put on Instagram came from, it just came through me that I want to draw a line and set out exactly who I am, what I do, why I do it. And what it stands for. It just kind of put a marker in the sand. So that's point two, it's having a process to work through the situation so that you're not recklessly reacting. I mean, look, if I go back a few years, I can clearly see I would have reacted in situation to a situation like this in a way that it's wouldn't have been helpful. You know, I mean, I would have lashed out, I'm able to set things that maybe I shouldn't have said, and somebody from the outside looking in may have seen it as looking a little bit unhinged. Because I wouldn't, I would have been angry because of the injustice of it all. But because I have this framework, and I've done that in a work, my default now is to go to the framework of acknowledge accepted that. And that allows me to be more intentional in how I react to these situations. So therefore, it means my tone is more measured, because I'm more intentional in what I'm saying and what I'm doing. I'm all considered. And like all good lawyers, I try not to say anything that I will be unhappy to be shown in public. I was told that in training, I'm sure if your lawyer you've been told that to, you never want to write something in an email or letter that you wouldn't be be happy to have held up and read out by a judge in court. So that's kind of the approach that I that I take. And I can confidently say that my correspondence, I'd be happy with anybody looking at that, and I have no issue with it at all. But I think that's only possible because I have a framework to work through. It's now habit, it's a default to go to that framework. So that's point to have tools, habits, strategies that you can fall back on, even in times of stress that are your default. And the third point from this scenario is of living your truth is that living the values of what what you talk about what I talked about, I talked in previous episodes about the importance of building your squad and having people around you who not only support you, but who challenge you when it's warranted. But who are going to do that from a place of love a place of support, they're going to do it because they want to see you win. And that's what was great about this situation is that again, living, the way that I live, walking it like I took it is that I had a squat to go to. So I went to the mastermind of coaches, the mastermind that I'm in, and I just went there and I just shared what happened. Because when these things happen, you need to let them out. We can sit in journal, of course, but sometimes you just need to let them out vocally in a space and just be heard. And by doing that, that can help you get things clear in your own mind will help you work through the situation work through the feelings and the emotions in your own mind. So it was beautiful to be able to go to that space and just share and then to also get a response back sort of saying what do you need? Do you just need to vent Do you need some coaching? Like what what do you need from this space and just having that offer made? And I took it moment I thought Yeah, really? That's what I knew. There's just that place to share. And I still kind of got some good, not really advice, really, but just some good support from the group. But just having that space to share, to be open to be vulnerable was fantastic. Because I know that everybody in that mastermind supports each other and everybody wants each other to be successful once each other to win wants each other to be the best that they can be. But then I also had another part of my squad, which was the WhatsApp group I have with my brother and my mate of 30 plus years. And it's funny, because actually in that group was slightly different. It was definitely, definitely a lot more anger, a lot of indignation. And there's also a lot of levity and a lot of humour in a way that only people who've known you for as long as that can, can have. And the combination of those two pieces of my squad was exactly what was needed in that moment. And I think, allowed me to work through the whole situation far quicker than if I try to do it alone. So, to recap, the whole thing wasn't a great situation at all. But the lessons that have come out of it, which I'm sharing with you today, and which I hope come through in this episode is the importance of, of living your truth of being firmly rooted in who you are and who you want to be. It's to really get to know and be comfortable and live your values. And use them to guide you in the decisions that you make and into how you react to things is to have the tools, the strategies and the habits that you can fall back on when you're in situations of stress or turmoil. Because of that we can all we can all kind of do the right thing and sit and think about the right thing when everything's fine and intellectualise about how we would react or how we'd like to react to a situation. But it's how do you react to it in the moment when the adrenaline is running high. When you're stressed when you're angry when you're frustrated? The emotions are just running riot is having the tools and strategies and habits to fall back on so that they're the default, so that they're second nature. And fortunately, that's what I had with the three A's is what I had with build your squat. And three, the importance of building your squad. As I say the three things. They're all things I've talked about in previous episodes. But I thought this week that given the events of what happened, it will be helpful to you for me to talk through each of these things which I've already discussed, and show how I applied them in the moment in action in recent times. Does it look I know talks about me books on podcast episodes and social media content. But I think that when there's a real life situation is something that's easier for you to connect to, to understand to understand how I use a lot of the things that I talk about in a real life situation in a recent situation. And I also wanted to share these three lessons to show that you know, just because I'm a coach, it doesn't mean I've got it all figured out. And it doesn't mean that I don't go through shit. I'm here walking along the path with you sharing my experience as we go ahead as we move towards a life that's lit together. And I still have to go back and connect with some of these tools, you don't do the work and let it go. You're continually doing the work. As you uplevel as you move forward. As new things are thrown at you, you have to have these tools, the strategies habits to fall back on. And I remember what I've learned, I remember the coaching, I remember that growth and the development and what I've been through so that I don't default back to the way that I used to do things because there's a famous quote, famous quote goes, What Got You Here Won't Get You There. And doing what you've always done is not going to get you to where it is that you want to be. So, for me, you have to do things differently. You have to think differently. You have to think like the person you want to become. So that's what I'm sharing with you today. Get rooted in your values, have tools, strategies, or frameworks for back on to help you when things aren't going your way. And build your squat. Really look out for people that you need to have around you that are going to support you, they're going to challenge you but ultimately want you to win. Because they're the ones that are going to help you when things like this happens. They're going to help you work through them. Because you can't do it alone. Just can't. There's things that you won't see because you're too deep in the shit and you need people who can help you see those things and you can help support you through them. Obstacles will arise and you're going to need someone to kind of get you through them to deal with the fallout. Okay, so to recap again final time. It really didn't values have tools or strategies to fall back on to help you and things aren't going your way and really look out for and intentionally build your squat. Okay, it's slightly different episode this week and maybe even a little sombre compared to my usual upbeat self. But I really hope that you get you grasp the value from this, I'd love to hear from you. If you've gone through a similar situation where something on the external has really knocked you off track, I'd love to know how you dealt with it, whether you use the triple A framework that I talked about last week, whether there are other tools or strategies that you've used to help you get through them. And I'd also like to invite you, if you haven't already to go ahead and read my book, The Triple C Method, getting clarity, boost confidence, and build courage. So you can live life lit! some of these concepts are covered in the book, not all of them, but some of them. And overall, they will just get you thinking in that mindset of striving to be the person you want to be striving to get comfortable with who you are, but also who you want to become the life you want to live. And help get you on the path towards that. I'm really excited that the audiobooks out because I'm one of those geeks who likes to listen to an audiobook. And then if I love the book, get the hardcopy, and scribble all over the hardcopy with my notes. So I remember the ideas, because I found that if I just read a book or listen to a book and let it go, again, I get inspired, and then I do nothing with it. But if I have the book there, and I can write my notes, then I will act upon them and keep coming back to it. So get the audiobook, get the paperback if you'd like to don't let the paperback sit there on your shelf, being nice and colourful and inspiring you but don't actually do anything with it. Download the workbook, do the work. And yeah, get started, get moving. Before I go, I'm going to start with counting some guests on the show, which is always the plan. And I've been pulling together over the last few months basically since since the podcast started. People who I think would be good for the show who would have some real value to share with you in helping you on making the journey from where you are to where you want to be. But I'd really love to hear from you. What what do you need? What would you like to hear? What issues would you like help with? One of the things in that I've got lined up is to have something around money, money is a really big thing for people because you've never seen seems sometimes no matter how much money you make you, you keep spending to the level of your income. Or you always think that you don't have enough money or you can't afford the language we use about money, how we think about money can really affect how we show up in the world and the actions that we take. So I have some people I'm looking to get on to talk about that. Some people do look to talk about the value of hypnotherapy and how getting to your subconscious can really help you get rid of some of the blocks that you that you have. So alongside coaching, hypnotherapy has been a real real game changer for me. So yeah, I haven't actually told these people yet, I'm going to invite them on the show, but I'm hoping that they join. So hopefully that sounds good to you. But I really want to know any particular issues which would be important or valuable or helpful to you. drop me an email, hey@iamryanspence.com. And just let me know, you don't have to send me a long email, just send me I'd love to hear an email here and episode about x. And I'll see what I could do. If there's particular people you know, or you've come across on social media or elsewhere who you think it'd be great to hear from and you'd like to have on the show, again, send me their names, and I'll reach out to them and see if I can I can get them on this, this podcast is really it's really for you. It's for me to remind myself of where I came from. It's for me to remind myself of some of the reasons why I do what I do, and when it makes it with decisions that I make. But ultimately, it's to help you stop living the life of lethargy, and move on to live a life that's lit. So your input, your interaction, your insights are always valued and welcome. So again, you can email me hey@iamryanspence.com. And if you're not already, you need to subscribe to my email list, iamryanspence.com. Click the link for free confidence journal and sign up there. I share stories, I share tools, I set strategies, I share tips, you will be the first to hear about it. Any new offerings that I've got coming on. So recently, I just ran Triple C coaching day, which was a day of coaching, the two minutes free coaching followed by 40 hours Voxer access that was presented to people on my email list. So things like that. So get on my email list again iamryanspence.com. If you click and download the free confidence journal that will get you on the list, and you'll get updates from me. Because I don't know how, I'm spending less time on Instagram. At the moment, it's something that I'm trying and experimenting with. It's just taken away too much of my soul at the moment. So, podcast and email list are key places to find me and LinkedIn. I'll still be on there a little bit. Okay, I think that's about it for this week. Thank you as always for listening Send me your insights. Take what you need from the show and leave or what you don't. And yes, as always stop living a life of lethargy and go ahead and start living a life that's lit! Thanks for tuning in to The Triple C Project. Before you go, I want to share something with you. When I was in BigLaw, I struggled with limiting beliefs. I didn't have the confidence to believe that I could change my life, that I could leave BigLaw and do something differently, that I could move from a life of lethargy and create a life that's lit. That's why I created the Confidence Journal. For people like you who are in the same position that I was, who are struggling with their confidence and need a boost to allow you to believe you can do the things that you want to do. The confidence journal is six journal prompts that I've used, and I still use to help me get from a guy who's too scared to post on Instagram, to the guy who is now committed to giving a TED talk to the guy who wrote a book to the guy who launched a podcast. You can do any of this too. All you need to do is start boosting your confidence. So to do that, head to iamryanspence.com. Download the confidence journal. It's free. It works, and it's gonna change your life. Thanks for tuning in. See you next week. And remember, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit!