Don't Sweat It: You Only Suck Because You Started

It sucks being bad at things, right?

Especially when you're so used to smashing it out the park.

The annoyance, the frustration, the embarrassment. It all makes you want to give up or not even start.

In this week's episode, I share why embracing the fact that you suck is the best way to a Lit! life.

And I illustrate this fact through my own experiences of boxing and writing.

Also in this week's show I share the new project I've started and how you can be a part of it.

Listen in and then tell me what new thing you're prepared to suck at?

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Transcript

Ryan Spence: 0:00

But I was bad, and when you are that bad at something, particularly when it's public, it's around other people it can be so demoralizing and so annoying that you just think, screw this, I'm not gonna do this, I'm gonna go back to what's comfortable for me, go back to what's easy. You're listening to the Circle C Project. The Circle C Project. Welcome to the Circle C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, use confidence, build courage so you can live life lit. I'm your host, ryan Spence, the big law dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big, hairy, rapacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and you're ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really wanna be. So now, with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey, hey. Welcome to episode 75 of the Circle C Project.

Ryan Spence: 1:20

Energy is a kick in my ass today. I've gotta tell you, today's been a struggle, I'm not gonna lie and I had to just allow myself to take a step back and do what I tell my clients to do, which is just okay. What's the priority today? What's the one thing you've got to do today? And the one thing that I prioritized that I had to do today was record this podcast. So here I am, I'm here for you, but even though I'm feeling rubbish, I've had a couple of things that have lightened my mood and put me in a good frame of mind and good energy to record today's episode for you. And one is I just had a really beautiful testimonial from a client that attended the meditation workshop I did a couple of weeks ago. I'm not gonna really out here, but if you're connected to me on LinkedIn, you can go and check it out in my profile and recommendations and that was really good. It's really nice to hear that. I think often we do things and you don't necessarily always know how they've impacted people, and even in the moment when people say that was really great, you're never quite sure if that carries through or how they really feel when they leave the session. So it's always really nice to kind of get that response back. So, yeah, that put me in a really good mood and signed a new client yesterday which I'm very excited about, very excited to get to work with, for lots of reasons which I can't say, obviously, cause it's all confidential but just two things that have put me in a good mood, in a good frame of mind, even though these allergies are trying to take me down. So reminder that if you're listening to this, the date comes out on the Friday.

Ryan Spence: 3:11

Then, on the following Wednesday, the 2nd of August, I'll be running another meditation workshop, another free workshop for an hour to introduce you to meditation, show benefits, bust some myths, take you through practice, do some reflection. It's gonna be lit. So check the link in the bio to register. It's subscribeio slash legal zen. You don't have to be a lawyer to attend. And if you are thinking to yourself, I'm rubbish, I can't meditate, I'm not even gonna try. You're going to want to attend, but you're also going to want to keep listening to this episode, because this is, this is for you. Anyone in that position? Okay, what else has been going on? I started a new project, so this is actually also relevant to today's episode and what I'm going to talk about. So I started a new project and the project is well, how should I explain this? So here's the thing One of the things that I like about the world that we're living now is the way that a lot of things are democratized.

Ryan Spence: 4:27

So back when I used to work in the music business, this was before the advent of social media and a lot of the tools that we have now but allow you to just create and put stuff out there. So it's amazing that you can literally have an idea. Whether it's a piece of writing, whether it's a video, whatever it is, you can have that idea and literally get it out and share it with the world Without any restrictions, without any gatekeepers, and that's one of the beautiful things about social media. But the other thing about social media which I have found is that it can also be quite restrictive. It can be restrictive in the sense that the literal sense you have a limited space, limited number of characters, depending on the platform that you're on, maybe some restrictions on the sorts of things that you can share. Certain things will get flagged as offensive or harmful or whatever, even though they're actually not. There's also the lack of control, so platform can just decide to suspend your account or block your account without reason. That happened to me a while ago, a very, really annoying weekend. Just completely out of random, it just went and then came back.

Ryan Spence: 5:47

But there's also the algorithm, obviously. Lots of people on there talk about the algorithm. They all kind of decide who sees your piece, how many people see it, and you're not necessarily always getting to the people that you want to get to. And also, the thing which I've been finding a little bit frustrating as well is somebody who wants to build community and who likes to have this back and forth exchange about the ideas, the concepts that I share, is that not really getting that on social media, and that's partly because people aren't seeing the stuff you put out there. Every small percentage of people see the information, see the things that you create.

Ryan Spence: 6:24

So I've been thinking for a while now about how I can deal with the abundance of creative ideas that I have, because there's a lot of creative ideas, a lot of just things that just come out of my brain, that if you are talking to a marketer or a traditional business person, they would say you leave that to the side, this has nothing to do with your business, or it doesn't kind of fit in with the traditional way that you market a business, that you kind of work with clients, that you attract. The people you want to work with, seem to leave that to the side and just focus on this narrow lane, and that never felt good to me and I wanted to space where I could just play, just express and just share things that maybe didn't really fit into that box and that weren't going to be limited by these restrictions. So I started a sub-stack and if you don't know what sub-stack is, it's effectively a platform where you can go and write and share. If you have already have an email list, you mean people on your email list can get what you write as well, but it also allows new people to find you and you can write. You can write long-form stuff and I just thought I'm gonna give that a go. So that's my new project and I look at it as my creative playground. So if you are on a sub-stack, or even if you're not, I invite you to come and find me. I'll leave the link in the show notes or you can just go to sub-stack and search for my name, my project, my newsletter.

Ryan Spence: 8:10

My sub-stack is called Finding Self and it's called that because that's related to kind of what I do in the work that I do. What I do here on this podcast is what I do in the book, the triple C method, and generally what I do with my clients is I help you find yourself. I have self-proclaimed myself the human GPS, because that's what I do is I help to guide you back to yourself so you can then make decisions that serve you, so you can then create the life that it is that you want to live and you can start to live that instead of living it the way that you think that you should. So the first piece is up there. I'm not committing to same time, same place every week or anything like that. It is literally going to be a creative playground and as I rewrite stuff maybe stuff that doesn't fit with the new book that I'm writing or doesn't fit with this podcast or some of the other stuff then that will be the home for it. So I invite you to come find me there and start a conversation, comment on the piece, tell me what you think of the piece there and let's kind of try to build a community around this creative playground, because that's what I really love and that's a really good way for me to just grow alongside you really, and to help to reframe some of my own thoughts and ideas and hopefully help you to do the same.

Ryan Spence: 9:28

So slightly longer intro, but I wanted to tell you that one because I wanted to let you know about the Substack, but also because it's related to today's episode. So, as I said, this Substack is a new project for me and I wanted to ask you about new projects. When was the last time you started a new project? What's a new project that you've wanted to start but you haven't started yet because you don't want to be bad at it? I know We've already all had these things where we have an idea of something that we would like to do. Maybe we even try the thing a couple of times, but we're just not good at it and, rather than being seen to be bad at the thing, we just give up. I know you feel me right. I know you can probably hear this.

Ryan Spence: 10:22

I've definitely had this in my life, whether it's learning languages, whether it's trying a particular sport. I mean, swimming is just one thing that I just I just never get. I've had lessons and everything, but it just doesn't work for me. But there are many things and we have this idea when we are these sort of successful, high achieving individuals in these big law firms or these big corporate positions. You know, I mean you are kind of used to just doing things and getting them and doing them well and being seen to be successful, being seen to do things well. So it's kind of it can be quite hard to persevere with something that you're initially awful at right, quite bad at. It doesn't feel good. It's a bit of a dent to the ego. But the thing is you're never going to be good at something the first time. Okay, take that back. Maybe. Maybe you're one of the lucky few who just takes to something straight away. What's the saying? They say Like a duck to water, but chances are that it's going to take you time to get good at something. So I'm with this.

Ryan Spence: 11:34

When I started boxing in particular training for the fight that I had, which if you've read the book you'll have heard a little about Now I done a bit of boxing before I was generally pretty active, pretty fit, did lots of different activities and sports. So when it came to the first week of the training camp I was like it's cool, I got this. I mean, I know what I'm doing, I'm going to get in there and I'm going all in Boy. Was I wrong? I mean, no matter how fit you think you are when you are training for boxing or, I guess, for any martial art, when you're training for a fight, that's at a whole other level. And by the end of that first week I was very close to giving up because I hated the fact that I was bad at it. My fitness was nowhere near the level that I thought it was. I was literally dying. I could no way I could be in a ring for 30 seconds, ever, mind three minutes. My technique, my footwork was, was shocking. My punching technique was awful, like everything was just bad.

Ryan Spence: 12:55

And I can say that now, having gone through that process and continued training for a long period of time, I can look back in hindsight and be like, oh man, you're awful. Fortunately there aren't too many videos at that time, so this is just all memories in my head. But I was bad, and when you are that bad at something, particularly when it's public, it's around other people, it can be so demoralizing and so Annoying that you just think, screw this, I'm not gonna do this, I'm gonna go back to what's comfortable for me, go back to what's easy and that's okay. I mean, sometimes you try something and you realize I don't like this and I hate it, and that's fine, let it go, it's not serving you. But when it comes to the fact that you're gonna give it up just because you're not bad at it, I want you to kind of take a pause and and have a think about. But why? And I'm going to read a Quote, a section from my book, the triple C method, which relates to this point, to encourage you to reframe your thoughts about Not being good at the thing and therefore wanting to give the thing up. So here's the quote, and this is from chapter 6, page 83, if you're you've got the paper back.

Ryan Spence: 14:19

The idea that you have to be good at something before you can do it is odd if you think about it, because everything you can do now had to be learned. You had to learn to walk, talk, run, read, play a musical instrument or play a sport. School was one big learning experience, university was another, and that's for the world of work. Compared to what you know now, you knew absolutely Nothing when you started. But look at you now.

Ryan Spence: 14:55

So, with all the evidence you have of learning to do new things, why is it so hard to believe you can't take that same drive and intelligence to learn about something you really want to do. And that's the thing, right, everything that you know. Now you had to learn everything you were likely bad out. Look at a baby when they try to walk, they're awful, they're falling all over the place. They don't stop, do they? They keep going until they get it and they actually walk. And then they learn to run and then they learn to Do other things. So you've got to just accept the fact that you Just accept the fact that you're going to be bad, but also know that you won't always be bad doesn't mean that the longer you go you're going to become an expert. Necessarily. There were some things which maybe you just Not going to be an expert in, but that's okay. If you enjoy it, if it serves you, if it's moving you forward, then do it for the love, do it for the joy, and you mean trust the process. But don't give up just because you feel that you're bad at it, because you'll never know how good you could really be For my, for my life. I mean my experience.

Ryan Spence: 16:19

I talked about boxing, social media was another one and again, this is in the book as well. I remember Sitting down to write my first social media post when I'd left big law. I was going to I was a yoga teacher, I was going to go down that path and I'd agonized over writing For for weeks, the first couple of posts and even subsequent posts, it you know me, and it was a. It was a chore. I really agonized and it really I was really scared, if I'm honest, of putting this stuff out there.

Ryan Spence: 16:55

And the thing is I kind of look back now at some of my past writing and I Cringed it a little bit and I'm like, damn, I wouldn't have written it like that now. Well, that was a little bit worthy, or why did you say that thing in that way? But I'm also proud of the fact that that is out there, because if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be where I am now. And it doesn't mean that I'm an expert writer now. What it means is that I'm a significantly better writer now than I was three years ago, than I was two, one year ago, six months ago. But that's only because I've written every single day for around two to three years in some way shape or form and I've thought about what I'm writing, how I'm writing, what I want to say how I want to say it and I'm continuously curious about how I can get better.

Ryan Spence: 17:56

But if I hadn't put out those posts back in 2020, if I hadn't been prepared to just start and potentially be bad and have things that I might look back on and cringe, then I wouldn't be where I am now. It's like I said in a comment to a post on LinkedIn this week. Somebody was talking about their videos that they make and how they look back on older videos that they make and they cringe sometimes. And in response to that I said you know, yeah, but the thing is, if you look back and cringe at what you did in the past, it just means that you're further along now than you would have been if you'd never started, and surely that's got to be a good thing. You want to be moving forward, but in order to move forward, you have to start and you have to accept the fact that you're probably not going to be great at the thing that you start, that you're going to be bad, that you're going to be annoyed with yourself. It's going to be frustrating. People might laugh, it might be embarrassing, but in six months from now, a year from now, three years from now, if you keep taking a step every day, keep practicing every day on that thing, just imagine where you could be and how your life would be different and how you will feel. Focus on that instead of focusing on what's happening now and how bad you are. Accept how bad you are and accept it as part of the process. Accept it as part of the learning and accept that it's this, it's this badness that's going to take you to where you want to be, and you're going to look back in two, three years time Future. You is going to look back and cringe at what you're doing now, but also be very proud that you started. So what is the new project that you've been putting off Because you don't want to be bad at it? Where have you been trying to do? All the research and all the theory in your head, but you've never actually started, because you want to start when everything is perfect. Think about that and then think about what I said in this episode, and I like you to schedule a day when you're going to start. Just start, that's all I'm asking.

Ryan Spence: 20:29

Speaking of being bad, one of the things that people tell me they're bad at is meditation, and this comes up often I can't sit still. I mean, I'm unable to sit still. My mind is too busy, I'm too restless. I'm just bad at meditation, and this episode is a very good example of that. Except, you can't be bad at meditation. That is the only caveat.

Ryan Spence: 20:56

Meditation requires you to sit and focus or be aware, bring in some awareness, and the more that you sit, the more consistently you sit, the I want to say, the easier you get, but that's not really the right word, but just the more, the more used to what you will get, the more that your body will become accustomed to sitting still, the more that your mind will become accustomed to sitting in stillness and the less distracted you will be. So, again, you just have to start and accept that you will be restless. Your mind will race, you will get distracted, but there are ways that you can work to get over that, and I'll be sharing those ways with you in the meditation workshop, legalezen, that I'm hosting next week, 2nd of August, and you'll also get a workbook after the event, which will just give you some very simple steps about starting a practice, building a practice and making that practice consistent, because sometimes that's all that we need. We just need a little bit of guidance to keep us going along, to show us the right things to do for us, the things that work for us, that allow you to progress in a way that maybe, if left to your own devices, you may not, because you may get frustrated and walk away. So meditation is a really good way of just detaching from all of that noise and just trusting the process really. So I'm inviting you to join me. I really hope that you do join me. As I say link is in the bio, subscribeio slash legal zen and I'm really looking forward to seeing you there and helping you build a practice that's going to support you in accepting the process, trusting the process, so that you don't give up or dismiss a new project something that you really want to do just because you feel you're going to be bad at it.

Ryan Spence: 23:05

Okay, there are my words of wisdom this week. Thank you, as always, for joining me here for this podcast. Listen, send me a message, tell me what a key takeaway is from you, or tell me what project you're going to start now that you're going to kind of get on with after you've listened to this episode. I really love to hear what you guys are doing and what you're up to and how you're moving forward towards a life that's lit. You can send me an email, hey, at imrinespencecom, or hit me up on Instagram at im underscore Ryan Spence. I'll find me on LinkedIn, ryan Spence. I'm over there too, and if you check out the sub-stack, drop a like, say hi, say you heard about it on the podcast so I can thank you for being there and get to know you a little better. Have a two way exchange rather than this one way exchange. Okay, thank you again for being here. Thank you, allergies, for allowing me to get through this episode without sneezing all over the microphone. I will see you again next week for another episode of the triple C project. Until then, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life lit. Thanks for tuning in to the triple C project.

Ryan Spence: 24:23

In the spirit of the triple C is three things that you can do to support the show. Head to rate this podcastcom, slash triple C or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how this show can help them. Second thing you can do share. Share this episode, share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing out on this here show and number three head to. I am Ryan, spent calm, get on the main list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to my new book start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here and until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.