Focus on the Support You Have; Not the Support You Wish You Had

Have you ever felt the sting of disappointment when the friends you thought would show up and support your dreams are nowhere to be seen? 

This episode will change how you view support and cheerleading in your life. 

As the Big Law Dropout, I've been on both sides of the cheering section, and today, I'm spilling what I've learned about the power of surrounding yourself with people who not only back your aspirations but will kick your ass if you even think about not pursuing them. 

It's a hard-hitting truth I've realised, especially after an Instagram post struck a chord with me. It reminded me why it's so vital to have friends who are your cornerstones on your unpredictable and messy personal growth quest.

I'm taking you through the paces of my experiences, where the silence of expected support once weighed heavily on me. Yet, through these trials, I've discovered the significance of cherishing those who do step up—their actions, big or small, are the real fuel to keep pushing towards a life that's fully 'lit.' 

This episode is all about learning to release the hurt from the cheerleaders who didn't show and embracing the ones who do. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I don't think about making it a big thing. It's just a natural extension for me of supporting the people you care about. You're listening to the Triple C Project. Welcome to the Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life lit. I'm your host, ryan Spence, the Big Law Dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip-hop and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now we're friends. I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Make friends that will be mad at you if you don't pursue your dreams. Make friends that will be mad at you if you don't pursue your dreams. This is Ryan Spence. This is episode 101 of the CCC Project. Make friends who will be mad at you if you don't pursue your dreams.

Speaker 1: 1:17

This was a post I saw on Instagram this week and it really hit me. Hit me and it hit me because when you are trying to change something about yourself, when you're trying to change your life, when you are on this path of growth and of chasing and getting after your dreams, you want your people to come along with you, your people to come along with you, and if they don't, it can feel quite devastating, quite soul destroying, and it can make you feel like giving up. I say this from experience and if you are experiencing this, I hope that this episode is going to help you to reframe and to focus on the right things and not on the wrong things. So let me tell you something I know someone who, every single post that I post on Instagram, she engages with Every post like. Sometimes it will be the only like on that post, but guaranteed she's going to like it. And I love that because she doesn't say anything, there's no message, there's no comment, but just that simple act of clicking like makes me feel good. It shows that somebody is not only watching and reading but is taking the time to support. And it's not a big effort to click like, but it's surprising how many people won't do that for their friends, right? How many people won't do that for their friends, right? And I contrast that with.

Speaker 1: 3:08

I've been on this personal development quest for way over three years right now, and in the beginning it really bothered me that the people who I thought would give me their support, who would cheer me on, who would talk about what I was doing and really praise me and give me that support for changing my path and for wanting to go on a different, in a different direction None of those people did that and that shit hurt and it bothered me for the longest time and I really had to do the internal work to get through that, because the thing is, you want your friends to support you, you expect your friends to support you, and even more so for me because I support everybody. Just yesterday, there's someone who I'm connected with on LinkedIn, who's not a friend, but someone who I've had a couple of conversations with, and they were doing a charity thing and immediately I clicked the link and donated, supported them. That's just the shit that I do. It's not something that is even like a really big decision for me. It's just like someone's doing something. I think it's great that they're doing it. It's quite inspiring. They obviously mean something to them. Let me support them in whatever way that I can. Sometimes that may be a donation to charity, sometimes that may just be a like or a comment on their social media posts. Sometimes that just might be a hey, I see you. I mean that was awesome what you just did there, or I'm really inspired by that.

Speaker 1: 4:48

But I don't think about making it a big thing. It's just a natural extension for me of supporting the people you care about, and so it can be really disheartening when other people do not show you the same grace, the same support, and if you're experiencing this, I want to share this with you. Let it go. Don't focus on the people that aren't supporting you. Focus on the people that are, because if you spend all of your time and your attention and your energy stressing about the people who aren't supporting you the people you really felt would, the people who you really believed in, who you really felt would be there and in your corner you can't move forward Because all of your energy is going towards the negative and that's not going to change you. Telling them to support you isn't really going to change it and you don't really want that. You want them to do it because they want to, not because you've told them. It's upsetting that they don't right, but the ones who are there in your corner, the ones who are giving you that like, who are sharing that comment, who are sending you inspiring messages or just giving you that slight nod to say I see you, I love what you're doing. Those are the people you should be focusing on, because those are the people who are giving because they want to give, because they love what you do, because they're inspired by what you're doing, they're influenced by what you're doing, and it's kind of disrespectful to dismiss those people and spread all your attention on the other group of people.

Speaker 1: 6:46

Now I also want to say that it doesn't mean the people who aren't supporting you are bad people. They will have their own reasons and you could spend your time speculating on those reasons, but, again, not really helpful. And I'm saying this from somebody who has done that, somebody who has sort of floundered in that pool for a very long time before I coached myself and got help from my coach to drag myself out of that. So focus on where you're going and focus on those who are going along with you. It doesn't mean you've got to ditch your friends or your family. That's not what I'm saying at all. But what it means is that if they're not giving you support that you want. Just accept that and focus on the people that are.

Speaker 1: 7:37

You can still hang out with those people. You maybe just don't talk about what you're doing, because if they're not going to be into it, if they're not going to support you in it, then why would you want to waste your time bringing it up? But you can still hang out with them, you can still do all those things and actually just by you living, just by you being on this quest, just by you growing, you're going to create that ripple effect which could inspire them to grow too, and that is a form of belief, a form of support. So, even if they're not directly supporting you, if what you're doing inspires them to transform their own life, to grow in their own way, then hey, that's a good thing too, right? So take the wins where you can, but, as I said at the top of the show, show.

Speaker 1: 8:31

Find those people that are going to support you. Make those friends that are going to be mad at you if you don't pursue your dreams, those people who are going to push you, who are going to inspire you, who are going to lift you up when you're on the long and treacherous road of personal growth. When you're hitting those walls, those obstacles, those challenges, focus on those people who are there to lift you up, because that's what's going to help to spur you along. That's where the majority of your energy needs to be spent, and if you do that and you keep moving and you keep pushing forward, not only are you going to transform your own life, but you're going to be surprised by the lives around you that get transformed too, simply by being in your presence and by watching your example. By being in your presence and by watching your example Heavy, heavy, but I hope that this helps you.

Speaker 1: 9:38

I hope that, if you are feeling discouraged because nobody is giving you the support that you need, that this episode helps you to reframe the way that you're thinking and to actually look at the people that are doing that and hold those people close and give thanks to those people and focus on those people, because they're the ones that you're going to need to keep moving forward. You're not doing anything wrong if you're going after your dreams, even if other people may make you feel that. So look for the people who are making you feel good about that, who are supporting you with that, who are inspired by what it is that you're doing, because you're going to need their energy to keep you moving forward when the tough times comes, when you hit that messy middle that I've talked about before, and so if you need some support in your personal development quest, in this journey of growth and transformation, you know where to find me Head over to IamRyanSpencecom slash coaching, or hit me up on the socials Instagram at Iam underscore Ryan Spence or Ryan Spence. Over on LinkedIn. I guide you back to yourself so that you can live a life that's lit, so that you can thrive rather than survive in life, because life is for living, it's not for simply existing, and I want you to connect with yourself so you can live the life that you want to live in the way that you want to live it. So drop me a line. I look forward to hearing from you and, until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C Project. In the spirit of the Triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show. Head to ratethispodcastcom slash tripleC or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how the show can help them. Second thing you can do share. Share this episode, share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here. Show and number three head to IamRyanSpencecom, get on the mailing list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to my new book start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know, need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here and until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.