The Triple C Project

It Doesn't Have To Be This Way If You Don't Want It to Be

• Ryan Spence • Season 2 • Episode 111

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Returning refreshed and reflective from my recent holiday, in this week's episode, I talk about how your ideas of what is possible and realistic are keeping you struck when you don't have to be. 

Listen in as I talk about:

  • courageously pursuing your true passions despite societal pressures to do otherwise;

. 

  • dealing with skepticism and fear from the people around you; and


  • the significance of supportive friendships.


Listen to the end, where I also share the three things you need to do right now to start living a life that's yours. 

This episode is a heartfelt reminder that embracing your inner calling leads to a life filled with fulfillment and purpose, no matter how unconventional the path may be.

What's your one takeway from this episode? Send a text & let me know

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Speaker 1:

If, like me, you are in big law, what do you have to go through to get there? Or in the career that you're in, or just in the wider life that you've had, there'll be hard things that you have had to overcome, but the difference is, as I see it, is that those hard things were likely acceptable challenges. You're listening to the Triple C Project. Welcome to the Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life lit. I'm your host, ryan Spence, the Big Law Dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip-hop and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now we're friends. I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey, hey, welcome to episode 111 of the Triple C Project.

Speaker 1:

The diligent and eagle-eyed of you would have realised there was no episode last week. That's because I was away on holiday, finally taking a break. So I was away for a week, for a well-earned break down in Devon, which is on the southwest coast of this island of England, by the beach, which is great In a nice little Airbnb which was a very old cottage. I can't remember what century the host of the cottage was from, but it was old, but it's very nice, very small but cosy. The thing about Devon, and particularly the area where we're in, is it's very difficult to get cell phone reception. But the house said it had Wi-Fi. We say fine. What it didn't say is that the wifi was absolutely shocking. So, even though devices say that they were connected and you were in the same room as the router, it was painful and sometimes downright impossible to actually do anything. That took any time, that required any kind of power. So, for example, I was um, I was expecting feedback from beta readers on the almost final draft of my second book, the triple C project, and I knew that they had come in, but as I would try to open them and download them, it was just almost impossible to sort of do that. Um. The good thing was is that it kind of created a social media break, um, which I was, enjoyed. I was, and I must confess I'm still finding it difficult to get back, um, beyond sharing the odd meme or new story to my, to my Instagram stories, um, you know, the break was, the break was good.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes that's what you need, and I love being by the sea. There's something meditative about the hypnotic rhythm, the sound of the waves and the feeling of sand between your toes. I mean, just thinking about it and telling you about it now is taking me, um, taking me back, and this is why, in my I always talk about creating the vision of the life that you want to live, Um, and my ultimate vision, in my ultimate vision, um, living by the beach, spending as much time as possible by the sea, on the beach, by the beach, um, is a huge part of that, um, it's because it changes, changes me. I gain so much clarity from being there. I don't know if it's the sea air, or the change of environment, or the heat, or the waves, as I said, or the sand, but I just seem to kind of slow down and, in slowing down, get this additional layer of clarity or kind of get a bit deeper within myself and find out more about what it is that I'm craving and needing at this moment, and this trip was no exception.

Speaker 1:

Really, now, in the last few months or so, I've been pondering a few things, you know, mainly around the direction my life, my life, is taking, not because I'm not happy with where it's going and not because I'm looking for some huge, monumental change or to burn things down, but just simply asking myself, you know, what's of what I'm doing, what of what's going on is still in alignment and what isn't what needs to go. You see, I've said this before that once you start on your personal development quest as I started on mine many years ago now and once you begin to get deeper and question and push back against the status quo, once you start your search for more, more joy, more aliveness and more engagement in your life, it's kind of like you can't stop right. You're going to be forever doing this work, because once you've got a taste of what it feels like to do that work, to grow, to transform, to ask yourself questions about things which you always felt to be true, and now are wondering actually that's not what I believe, that's actually not what I ever believed, that's kind of what I was conditioned to believe, and now I believe something completely different. Once you start on that path, the work never stops. It doesn't always feel like work. Sometimes it feels great, it feels expansive, it feels enlightening, it feels exciting, but sometimes it does feel like work, as I've talked about before in the episode where I talk about the three stages of growth and the messy middle. But with each change that you make, with each shift, with each level of growth, you become a new person. You're becoming a new person and what went before, what worked before, may not be what you need right now, may not work for you right now.

Speaker 1:

Where you're heading, the direction of travel that you chose, may not be where you need to go now, or maybe you're still heading in the right direction, but the route that you take needs to change to adapt to the person that you are, to the new information that you have. So it's kind of like my drive back from my holiday in Devon, where I live up in the north of England, in Sheffield. It's probably five or six hour drive um to Devon or back from Devon, but inevitably it always takes longer because there's roadworks, there's traffic hot spots and there's the need particularly on this trip about the need for fuel, both for me I need to eat and for the car as well to get us back. I haven't yet made the switch to electric cars that's another conversation but it meant that the route home changed from the route that I had initially decided I was going to take, because as I gained more clarity as to what was going on around me and as I gathered more information, I made new decisions. So I was still heading home, I was still heading in the same direction, I was still going to the same place, but the route that I was taking to get there has changed and was changing as I continued to get more clarity and gather more information. It was changing in the face of all of this new knowledge.

Speaker 1:

Is this something you can relate to? Let me work it down another way. For you, it's like that job that you took maybe 5, 10, 15 years ago. In some cases, I've had clients who've been in their jobs for way over 10 years for 15 years plus in some instances and it may be at the time you started the role that you're currently in. It fit the person that you were then. Or maybe you're not in the same role, but you're in the same industry. You're moving up through the ranks, you're getting the promotions you're supposed to get and moving the way that you're supposed to move.

Speaker 1:

But maybe that no longer feels right to you. You're not quite sure why. Maybe the career train that you bought a ticket for and got on and sat down and decided that you would sit on and enjoy the ride. Maybe that train's no longer heading to where you want to go because when you got on the train you wanted to head to a particular place. You felt that that's where you should go. That's what people like you do, but now you're not quite sure. Now you have new information. Maybe you have information about what the job is really like after all this time and where it's actually leading you. A bit like me when I looked around at where I was and what life as a big law partner would be like and realised and finally admitted to myself that I know I'm on this train, but I do not want to go where this train is heading because that's not the life that I want.

Speaker 1:

Or maybe, as you're listening to this podcast, you've gained clarity and a deeper knowledge of self and you've realized that what you're really on this earth to do isn't to review documents or interpret spreadsheets and crunch data, but what you're really on earth to do your mission, your purpose is bigger than that, and so you can no longer pretend that you love the bullshit and the office politics and all of that nonsense that you have to pull up with day to day in and around what it is that you're doing right now. And yet, even though you know these things, you still feel stuck. You still feel stuck where you are, as you just throw your hands up in the air and you say what can I do? How can I change this? This is simply how life is. This is what everybody else is doing. This is how it's supposed to be. I should be grateful and just suck it up.

Speaker 1:

So here's my question to you, though Is it? Is it the way it has to be, if you don't want it to be that way, or could you do something to change, something to change it? Could you maybe escape the part of you that defaults to the way that things have always been, that logical mind, that conditioned mind, and instead could you explore the parts of you that are creative, resourceful, resilient enough to conceive a life where things are different, where things are as you want them to be instead, because we get so hung up on what's possible, on what's realistic and what's realistic. But thinking only about what's possible based upon what you already know, thinking only about what you or people around you perceive to be realistic on information they already have, that's not how things change, right? You see, thinking that way, thinking in that logical way, that realistic, quote-unquote way, that didn't bring us great works of art, that didn't bring us the great inventions of our time, the great ideas, great literature, all of that greatness, all of those creations. They appeared as a result of people thinking differently, of people doing things differently and of not being afraid to follow their instincts and to get creative in their approach, to not be held back by what others thought was possible, by what others thought was realistic, but by making a pledge, a commitment to themselves to follow their ideas, to follow their curiosity, to get creative in their approach to their one wild, beautiful, precious life.

Speaker 1:

So can't you do that? Look, I know as much as anybody that it's hard being different, it's hard doing things differently. That's not a reason not to pursue what it is that makes your heart sing, that sets your soul alight. Just because it's hard, I mean, come on, man, you can do hard, right, you can do hard. I know this and I'm sure of this because, if you look back at what got you to where you are right now, you have became many hard things, many challenges and obstacles to get here. I'm did.

Speaker 1:

If, like me, you are in big law, what do you have to go through to get there? Or in the career that you're in, or just in the wider life that you've had, there'll be hard things that you have had to overcome. But the difference is, as I see it, is that those hard things were likely acceptable challenges. They were challenges that friends and family and society actively encourage you to take. Challenges, like you know the exams to get your degree and the stress you had to go through, the sacrifices you had to make to get through them, to get the grades that you needed, to get the loan you had to take for multiple thousands of pounds so you could go to law school without any guarantee that you'd be able to pay that money back, the mortgage you had to take to buy your house. These are all big things. They can all be seen as hard things in various ways, but they're acceptable things. They're things which, if you do them, people won't look at you with fear. They will look at you as, yeah, this is what you do to get on with life. This is what life is supposed to be. But choose a hard thing that falls outside of the norm and you'll be actively discouraged. You'll be viewed as unrealistic. They'll be viewed as unrealistic whims or indulgences.

Speaker 1:

If you want to do things like move from big law to in-house, oh, the many words that have been written and words that have been said about that. Whether quitting a high-flying role like just walking out, abdicating your role in the corporate world or whatever high-flying role it is to do something else writing a book, starting a business I remember when I decided to train to become a yoga teacher and I was being told in a way that by people who felt they were being supportive, that it was crazy that I'd never make any money doing that, that there were too many yoga teachers in the world, that you don't walk away from a big law career potential of being partner to teach yoga. Who does that? And they were saying it from a place of support and a place of fear for me and what it meant. It's the same when I decided to become a coach, there were all of these well-meaning words, but if I'd listened to them and taken them on board.

Speaker 1:

If I hadn't done the inner work to know my own mind, to build my own clarity, my confidence and my courage, I'd probably still be stuck in Big Law now, believing the stories I told myself for years, the stories that I couldn't do anything else and I just had to suck it up. And if I'd done that, even though I didn't want to do that, then I wouldn't have done so many things. I wouldn't have written and published a book soon to be two books. I wouldn would have coached and changed the lives of my clients and had that impact on the world and the ripple effect that is created by them going into their own world and sharing what they've learned about themselves. I wouldn't have launched this podcast. I wouldn't have been paid to get on stage and speak about my experience. You know I used to hate public speaking. I wouldn't say I love it now, but I wouldn't have made myself get to a position where I could stand up and do it and people would pay me for that.

Speaker 1:

You know, and look, it's not like all of these things have brought me bucket loads of cash and replaced my big little salary. But what they have given me is much more than that. They've given me a deeper knowledge of self. It's given me a purpose that comes from doing something, fulfilling something that lights up my soul, and they've given me a desire to get up every morning and just get after it. You know, as I take another step or steps towards my mission of guiding people back to themselves so they can shift from survival mode to thrival mode, and in many ways, that's more valuable than the salary I would have got I would have been on if I'd still been in big law.

Speaker 1:

I read a post on Instagram this week that inspired today's episode and got me not thinking, because I'm always thinking about it, but got me wanting to share more about this idea of having to tread the world treading path, of having to do things that people see as being realistic, which may not be in line with the dreams that you have, the vision that you have for yourself. The post was about the author Harper Lee, and it said that for Christmas one year, her friends gifted her a year of financial support so she could write whatever she wanted to write without having to worry about money, and I thought that was beautiful, you know, for friends to know. Okay, my friend here wants to write, and not only to support that writing emotionally and verbally, but to club together and provide financial support so they could take a year to just write is such a beautiful thing to do. And you know what she did with that year. She went on to write the, the classic text to kill a mockingbird. Okay, now, when you see things on the internet, I don't.

Speaker 1:

I don't know how true the story is. I try to find out. But, um, it's hard to find any sort of reputable sources to confirm the story. But it doesn't really matter if the story itself is true, because it's really the sentiment of that story that's important, because it shows what can happen when you stop restricting yourself to what you think is possible and what you think is realistic and you explore your bigger dreams. And beyond that, it shows what can happen when you find your people, your squad, that are there to also provide you with that support, rather than try to ward you off with their own fears, their own limiting beliefs as to what's possible.

Speaker 1:

Because, look, you're going to have friends who love you dearly, but they are going to project their own fears and limitations upon you. And it's not because they're bad people, that's just the way that they have been conditioned, just like you have been conditioned. They want to look out for you, they want the best for you. They want the best for you and they feel the best for you is maintaining that zone of comfort right. But what you need to really start to make those big, monumental shifts, those transformations, to move from survival to thrival mode, to move from lethargy to lit, is not the friends that tell you all the ways it's impossible when you say to them you want to fly to the moon, but you need those people around you who are going to roll up their sleeves and say right, I guess we need to figure out how to build a rocket, because those are the ones that are going to support you and push you forward when you meet those hard things. You meet those challenges.

Speaker 1:

And so what I want to leave you with today is these three things that you need to do if you're going to get from where you are to where you want to be. Number one find yourself. Find that creative, the creative, the curious, the carefree you that nothing is unrealistic, to that trust that you can figure out how to get what it is that you want, how to get to where it is you want to get to. Number two find your people, the ones that support your dreams, not ones that project their fears onto you, and not ones who blow smoke up your ass but really don't believe, but the ones that really want to see you win and are with you in figuring out the obstacles to you winning, whatever that means for you. And number three find your way. And number three find your way. Don't just go where you think that you should go and just because you're already on the path to somewhere, don't feel you have to stay on that path. If that isn't where you want to go, you know. Go to where you need to go for your soul to sing, for that spark, to reignite that flame within you. Whatever path you're on, it can be changed, anything can be changed. There just has to be the will to change it. So find yourself, find your people, find your way, because if you're living a life that's not yours, are you really living at all? That's it for this week A bit of a longer one this week, but something that I really felt called to talk about, but something that I really felt called to talk about.

Speaker 1:

So I hope that you take some valuable tips, thoughts, away from this episode that you go ahead and implement in your own life immediately after listening. But before I go for the week, I want to offer you an invitation. It's an invitation that was extended to me when I was stuck at a crossroads. I knew I wanted out of big law, but I didn't know how to get out because I didn't believe that I could do anything else, and it was at that point that the universe conspired yeah, I believe in the universe. The universe conspired to put me in a restaurant, having dinner with an ex-colleague of mine who was training to be a coach, and as I relayed to her my concerns and frustrations, she said it sounded like I was at a point where something like coaching could help me, and so she offered to coach me.

Speaker 1:

And without having had that conversation at that time and without having accepted that offer of coaching I'm not sure. In fact, I know I wouldn't be where I am right now, doing what I'm doing right now, and I certainly wouldn't be speaking to you like this on this podcast, because I wouldn't have got there, I would have still been in the box that I felt stuck in, and so my invitation to you is to apply to join me for your very own strategy session, where we'll explore where you are, where you want to be instead, and I'll share some tools and strategies to help you get there. Things that you can implement immediately after you get off the call with me. And, if there's a good vibe on the call and you want to go deeper, you really want to commit to finding yourself and to moving from where you are getting to where you want to be self and to moving from where you are getting to where you want to be. I'll share how we can work together to do that, how we can work together to move the needle from stuck to free, from survival to thrival, from lethargy to lit. But whatever happens in the session, you're going to leave with new thoughts and some new tools to move you forward. Things that you can implement in your day-to-day life to change the trajectory, to change the direction, to change how you feel, most importantly Because, look, you deserve to feel more joy, more aliveness and more engagement in your life. And perhaps even more importantly, particularly if you're somebody who doesn't really like doing things for themselves, the people around you deserve to get the best of you and to have you be on your A game. So here's what you need to do head to iamryanspencecom slash apply, watch the video and apply. Apply for your strategy session. You'll find out more information there. You click the link, get a questionnaire, you book your time, you're filling the questions and we'll get on a call and I promise you it's going to be a call and I promise you it's going to be a call you've never had before and it's going to be something that really helps you to turn things around in the direction that you want them to go in, and your future self. Thank you for it. So head to IamRyanSpencecomcom slash, apply, book that strategy session, and I can't wait to start speaking with you. Until next time, stop living a life of lethargy, go ahead, enjoy your week, start living life.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for tuning in to the triple c project. In the spirit of the triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show Head to ratethispodcastcom, slash triple C or over to your favorite podcast app and leavea review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how the show can help them. Second thing you can do share. Share this episode, share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here. Show and number three head to IamRyanSpencecom. Get on the mailing list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to my new book start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here and until next week. Stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.