The Triple C Project

What's More Important: Feeling Safe or Feeling Alive?

• Ryan Spence • Season 2 • Episode 123

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What if the pursuit of safety is the very thing keeping you from truly living?

Inspired by a thought-provoking Christmas dinner conversation, I invite you to join me in questioning the conventional wisdom that equates corporate "success" with safety.

Reflecting on a conversation with one of my early coaching clients and my own experience in BigLaw, I share how a seemingly secure career can mask a deeper dissatisfaction and how no job is immune to change.

Together, we'll explore the alluring illusion of safety that often shackles us to societal norms and expectations, urging you to redefine what it means to live a life that feels genuinely alive, authentic, and Lit!.

I hope this episode challenges and inspires you to pursue goals that spark your inner joy, even if it means stepping into the unknown.

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Speaker 1:

You're listening to the CCC Project, the Big Law Dropout. Life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip-hop and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now we're friends. I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit.

Speaker 1:

You're listening to episode 123 of the Triple C Project, recording this on the 20th of December, so just before the Christmas break and in thinking about this episode, I thought about continuing the theme from last week's show about reflecting on the end of the year, about slowing down, about taking a break. I shared a social media post this week, actually about the whole idea of finishing strong and kind of turning that on its head, and I thought I would kind of expand upon that. Um, but I'm not going to do that. I will share a link to that post in the show description, though, so you can go check it out, as it resonated with quite a few people and it may just resonate with you and be what you need to hear before the next couple of weeks of the festive season and what that might bring for you, the expectations that might be made upon you and how you can kind of look after yourself. But, as I say, I'm not going to talk about that because I had a really, really nice conversation yesterday the day before I'm recording this at a Christmas dinner event I went to at the place I teach yoga at, open House here in Havisage in the UK. Really beautiful conversation, and that conversation got me thinking along the theme of safety, because that's what came up, this idea of being drawn to feeling safe, of finding safety.

Speaker 1:

And that then reminded me of a conversation with one of my first clients really one of my first coaching clients about this point, and we were talking about where she was at that point, the job that she was doing, the prospects that were ahead of her, which looked great on paper. This all seemed like the dream in terms of where she was heading and what could potentially open up for her. But there was a nagging feeling that that wasn't where she was meant to go. That wasn't where she was meant to be, and I could tell that was there. But it took a while for her to admit that because and when we kind of dug deep, it was because where she was at that point is kind of where we're all conditioned to get to right. We're conditioned to believe that we do the things we're supposed to do, we make the moves we're supposed to make and ultimately that will land us on this path. It will land us with this amazing job that gives us this clear career trajectory, and then we're set for life, you know, and we can not quite sit back. We still kind of need to work hard, but there's almost a sense of comfort within that, a sense of safety within that a sense of safety, and that's what we're led to believe that finding and landing that particular gig and having that almost defined path ahead is what we should strive for. It's the ultimate. Striving for safety is the ultimate thing, driving for safety is the ultimate thing, and I get that. You know, I had the same thing for me in law.

Speaker 1:

I spent, if you read my first book, I spent a number of years rebelling against the idea that I had to go to university and get a degree and land that job and follow that path. Go to university and get a degree and land that job and follow that path and that, at that time, was probably the most alive I felt during that period. Even though it was probably the most broke I'd ever been. It was the most alive that I felt. But I eventually succumbed and did what I was quote unquote supposed to do and landed myself in big law and had that trajectory was making a salary that I never imagined that I would make and was working on amazing deals and was suddenly having a life that I never kind of thought that I could have. And that was it I thought I was set have. And that was it I thought I was set. And I also thought I was safe.

Speaker 1:

Right, everyone from the outside looking in was like it sees you as successful, you're on this path, you're in this firm, you have this name on your business card, you have this salary that goes up year on year, you have these opportunities that come your way, and being a lawyer in particular as well, it's always seen as a safe thing to do almost recession proof, even right. But what I had talked about today is the fact that this whole idea of safety is really an illusion, and it's, in my opinion, an illusion that is perpetuated to keep you conforming, to keep you in the box, to keep you doing the things that the people around you, the people that create the system, want you and need you to do. Because by presenting this as safety and by conditioning you from an early age that safety is the ultimate thing to pursue, it then stops you from looking outside of the box and from taking on things that are seen to be risky in comparison to this idea of safety. But here's what I've learned and what I shared with my client way back then as well. And what I shared with my client way back then as well is when I asked the question in fact, is it really safe? What does safety actually mean? And if safety means that you then no longer have to worry about anything in life, well, that's not true. If safety means that you have a secure job that will always be there, that's not true. And you only have to look through the past few years the number of businesses that have either gone under or that have made huge swathing cuts, many that are still going now in businesses that you never thought that that would happen in the tech space, in big law firms, accountancy firms, banks and particularly post the pandemic as well.

Speaker 1:

This idea of safety has, in my opinion, been shown to be an illusion it's not actually true, known to be an illusion. It's not actually true. Now, it doesn't mean that these jobs aren't worthwhile and you shouldn't pursue them. That isn't the point at all. But this idea that this path, this path of the perfect career trajectory, that career plan, that huge multinational organization, that that is the safest possible route for you to take in your life, I think it's false, because I've seen so many people get sucked into that way of thinking, only to have the rug pulled out from underneath them when they least expect it and then look up and be like what was it all for? What did I sacrifice and why did I sacrifice it, to end up in this position where the thing that I was told was safe and was going to take care of me for my working life has literally exploded before my very eyes.

Speaker 1:

I've seen it this year with someone I know quite well who had been at an organisation for way over 10 years in a management position and was completely blindsided by being another one who was maybe redundant. And I think that when you start to realize that and believe that, you can then start to not feel more fearful, but actually think you feel more free, and I know that's how I felt. So when I knew that redundancy was coming in big law and I say to people that if that happened a year before, I would have been absolutely terrified, I would have been one of those people who felt that the whole ground had been pulled out from underneath me. But because I reached my enough point which I've talked about before, in 2018, and then because 2019 was a year where I knew major changes would have to happen by the time December 2019 came up and I knew that this was on the cards, I was ready for it and I welcomed it with open arms because I knew that it would give me the space to then explore what was next for me, rather than feeling forced to jump into the next quote-unquote safe thing.

Speaker 1:

And by doing what I am doing now spinning lots of plates with coaching, with yoga, with writing books on the one hand, it's exhausting. This was kind of the first of the conversation yesterday. It's exhausting. It can be quite scary at times, thinking how is this thing going to pan out? Will it ever pan out? Will it ever work the way that I want it to work. Should I just go and focus on a safe job again, a safe role, a safe existence? But what this current state does give me is immense joy, and it gives me the thing that I've said before I believe that everyone wants, and that's to feel alive.

Speaker 1:

So what I would say to anyone now, and what I said in the conversation I had yesterday, is that I don't believe that life is about chasing safety, about seeking comfort. I don't believe that at all, because I believe that life is for living, and to me, settling for something that doesn't give you that excitement, doesn't light you up, doesn't make you want to jump out of bed in the morning and make some moves, to me that's not living. Living is that aliveness, and aliveness doesn't necessarily mean that everything is great. Sometimes aliveness can be fear. Sometimes aliveness can be that stress of trying to figure it out, of trying to overcome obstacles, of trying to get over challenges that you didn't expect to occur. But when you do it, when you get through them, when you get over those obstacles, how accomplished do you feel, how happy with yourself do you feel? And then think about the experience that you've gained in doing that and how you can then apply it to the next obstacle, to the next challenge that arises.

Speaker 1:

So safety is an illusion in this realm is what I'm talking about, um, this realm of the world of work, the world of the corporate world, the world of that big corporate job with the fancy office and the business card and the salary being a sense of safety. It can be something that gives you an immense amount of joy or pride or material possessions. It can give you a lot of things. That's not to say that it's not and it isn't. This isn't a conversation about not following that path or doing any of that at all, but what it is is a conversation about not expecting that that will always be there, not believing the hype that that is the ultimate safety that you should be pursuing in life, that that is living.

Speaker 1:

Because if you have bought in, if you're buying in to the sense that this is the safety that you should be seeking and therefore you must sacrifice everything you can to ensure that you maintain this position that you have, that you stay on this path that you've been told that you should be on, then, if and when that is taken away from you, what do you have? What do you have for you? That's yours. What do you have that lights you up? What do you have that gives you that sense of aliveness, because safety isn't going to give you that. It's nice to feel safe and secure, it's nice to know you have got money in the bank to pay your bills, and all of that that's great.

Speaker 1:

But when that can be pulled away from you at any moment, is it really safe? That can be pulled away from you at any moment, is it really safe? So all I'm asking you to do here, or inviting you to do, is to think about the situation that you're getting from that situation and not to just go with the flow, keep rolling along, accepting that you are in this nice and safe position that will never go away, because I don't want you to wake up one day and for it all to be taken away from you and for you not to know what the hell you're going to do next, because it's happened to too many people and it can be really soul-destroying and it can take a long time to get over that. So, rather than simply making your life about pursuing comfort, pursuing safety, I offer you this what if you looked at your life or the purpose of your life as following or seeking and following the joy. That doesn't mean that life is always joyful, but what it means is that you seek and you pursue the things that do light you up, the things that make you feel excited, that make you leap out of bed in the morning, that just make you feel alive. That's really what it comes back to right, and the job that you have can be a great vehicle to support that financially or giving you some sort of structure or in the opportunities that it presents, and that's great. But see it as such and don't see it as the be all and end all. Don't see it as the purpose of your life, because if you do, you're going to be very sorely disappointed.

Speaker 1:

The days of people starting a job at 18 and retiring from the same position at 60 or 65 years old with a gold watch are long and done, and I mean, who's to say that those were necessarily good old days either? But I'm saying that they're just not there anymore. And so you have to look out for yourself and you have to think about what it is you want your life to be, and this isn't about creating huge, lofty goals necessarily. It's about creating the goals that feel right to you, the things that give you that sense of aliveness. Because, again, I'm going to keep coming back to it Life is to be lived. Life isn't to me, about pursuing safe, comfortable option all the time. Life is to be lived and sometimes that living can be safe and can feel safe and feel comfortable. But oftentimes that living feels a little bit risky, a little bit fearful, a little bit. Oh, I haven't been here before, what do do I do? But the aliveness comes from putting yourself in certain situations and finding your way through to the other side, of putting yourself out there and not knowing how what you say, what you do, what you're created, is going to be received. But then listening to the responses and seeing what comes back, and even if those responses aren't in the capacity, in the volume that you would have liked, the fact that you have connected with your inner soul and produced or created or put something out there that fulfilled that desire within you, that is aliveness. So that's my, I guess, parting um word for you for the year.

Speaker 1:

This is the last podcast of 2024. I'm going to be taking a couple of weeks off, um, and so I wanted to leave you with something that you can kind of chew over over the next couple of weeks before we get into the new year and on that merry-go-round again, seek and follow your joy and don't fall for the illusion of safety, because it is only an illusion. That's it for me this week Before I go. If you are listening to this on the day of release or just before Christmas and you're still struggling for that present, for that elusive present for that one person who you really want to get something for but don't want to spend a huge amount of cash, go and grab my book, the Triple C Project, available from my website IamRyanSpencecom book. It's really going to help someone. From my website, I am ryan spencecom slash book. Uh, it's really going to help someone change their life. I mean, if you could give somebody the gift of finding their inner peace and finding that purpose in the new year, that's far more valuable than any material possession that you could get. Trust me, um, trust me for sure, um. So go ahead and grab them that. Or if you really want to splash out on them and really give them a life-changing gift, you can sign them up for a Find your Spark session.

Speaker 1:

Yep, find your Spark sessions are back for a limited time this year. That's a 75-minute one-to-one coaching session to get you clear on okay, where do you want to focus your efforts in the coming year? What is it that you want and what's the strategy? What's the plan, what are the steps you are going to take to ensure you're on the road to getting that thing, to becoming that person, to living that life? I will drop the link for booking one of those sessions in the show description, and that will also give you more deets about what you get. So book one for yourself, book one for a friend, book one for a colleague, and start your 2025 off right, focusing on the right things and focusing on seeking and following and that joy and not falling for that illusion of safety.

Speaker 1:

That's it for me this week and this year. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, have a fantastic Christmas, fantastic festive period and an awesome start to the new year. I look forward to seeing you on the flip side in 2025 and seeing what develops for you shifts. That happened for me, as I continue to support you in moving from a life of lethargy to living a life that's lit. Thanks, as always, for being here, for listening. If you have a bit of time before the break please, please, please, go to your pod player. Leave a review of the show. It it really, really helps. And until next time, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit. Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C Project.

Speaker 1:

In the spirit of the Triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show. Head to ratethispodcastcom. Slash tripleC or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how the show can help them. Second thing you can do share. Share this episode, share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here show. And number three, head to iamryanspencecom. Get on the mailing list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to my new book. Start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here and until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.